Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal

This book gave me so much compassion and understanding for the situation I am going through. It does not downplay the seriousness of betrayal trauma in a marriage. It helped me to see that I am not alone in my pain. It offers clarity for where I am and insight into finding safety and health for myself on a variety of levels, whatever the outcome of the relationship. I highly recommend this resource for anyone going through this difficult situation and for those seeking to be a better friend and support to someone else who is. You are not alone.

Thirty years I've lived with a sex addict. I've read most of the books out there on sex addiction. This is the first one that hit the nail on the head. This book helps, maybe even heals if that is possible. I didn't feel pain when reading this book like I did with all the other books on this subject. I felt heard and understood. Other books put part of the blame on the partner. Saying we enable our addict to act out by being co-addicts. I could never accept that idea. This book tells it like I see it. We are recovering from a trauma. We behave like someone who has been through a trauma.

I was so grateful to read this book. It's definitely the missing-link in treatment for the spouses of sex addicts. Unlike the traditional Patrick Carnes model, this book is about recognizing and treating trauma in spouses. As the spouse of a sex addict, the co-addict label has never felt 'true' to me. Each of us are different, in recovery, but unlike so many people that I know, I've never had a big discovery moment before, or found porn or anything. My discovery was truly the shock of my life. I love this book because it recognizes the trauma for what it is, and details many of the symptoms I have had, like PTSD. It doesn't call me codependent, and doesn't tell me that I am to blame for part of what's happened. (how would I have known?) It does address some of the beginnings of the deep emotional abuse it's taken my husband to use, to keep me in the dark about his addiction. Don't buy this book for your husband to read, or for you to understand him. (Most of us do that anyway.) Make this the one book you buy for YOU-- and take it to your therapist too. Your trauma needs to be heard and validated, so that you can begin to heal these deep and painful wounds. With or without your husband, you deserve healing, and a life free from the weight of what he has done.

Affects of sexual addiction are devastating, from the first surge of shock through the speechless terror, riding the wave of disassociation, from this is really only a bad dream to reality; you are never the same. This book covers it. It validates your deep painful wounds, explains the trauma, chemical reactions in your body, gives you concrete recommendations, and does not skirt the physical / psychological reality of harm and priority of safety. Awesome reality checks to pastors and counselors as well as in depth bibliography if you choose to go deeper. Kudos to Barbara and Marsha, for shifting the paradigm and giving many such a powerful concise tools to deal with the obliteration of their security and trust; personally your timing has been perfect. Buy two because someone you know or don't know through a third party has been traumatized and could use it.

Addictions aren't always to drugs, but they are devastating all the same. "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal" discusses sexual addictions - in the matter of pornography, use and abuse, among other issues - from the perspective of the spouse, who may or may not be a victim in the matter. With much support and help, "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse" may be the inspiration many need to move on with their lives after the pain.

Oh-my-goodness! I'm only on page 93, but just realized that for the past 5 years I have felt like I've been living like I'm in a front-loading washing machine and no one can really see me, no one knows I'm here, but they don't look. I can see out, but I remain alone. I had an amazing counselor who saw me. Thank You God for him. But I finally feel like there is someone IN here, WITH me. Someone understands where I have lived the last 5 years, and prior. Thank you Marsha and Barb. Thank You. From a partner of a sex addict, great guy, but doesn't connect with me, yet blames me for my efforts to remain safe in an emotionally unsafe marriage, I can't stress enough that this is a must read for partners and those who want a window into partners' souls. Counselors - please, please, I beg you, read this. Understanding, validation and affirmation have been the MOST soothing and healing things I have experienced on my path toward healing this traumatic, deep pain. Please read this and if you can afford to, give copies to those you know who live in their own isolation, and those who try to support them. This has been like a bubble bath with candles and soft music to my soul. If you work with or know someone who is a partner of a sex addict, please, please read this book to see into their wounded soul. If you have lived this betrayal, the validation in this gift of a book and the hope to heal that it offers is salve for your weeping, bleeding heart. Barb and Marsha, I thank God for you. Peace.