Wounded by Words: Healing the Invisible Scars of Emotional Abuse: Healing the Invisible Scars of Emotional Abuse

Good book, some of the advice is a little concerning. On Pgs. 84 - 85 it talks about having a come back to your abusive husband. I tried this and the abuse got worse not better. Proceed with caution when trying to stand up to an abusive person. That being said the second half of the book is better than the first. A little background: I have been in an abusive marriage for over 20 years. I didn't realize it until recently. Now I am trying to figure out how this happened to me and how I can prevent it from happening to others. I am trying to figure out what healthy relationships look like. Here are some books that I have found helpful: -10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing -Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft -The Verbally abusive relationship By Patricia Evans -Not to People Like Us By Susan Weitzman -The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner -Codependent No More by Melody Beattie - Love Honor and Negotiate by Betty Carter - Boundaries in Marriage by John Townsend Here are quotes from this book that I liked: ---- " He never hit us, but the hurt he inflicted destroyed our self-confidence." Pg. 36 ---- "It takes two people to make a marriage work, but only one to destroy it." pg. 37 ---- "An abused child, growing up in a dysfunctional home, will be the target of school yard bullies. Poor social skills aggravate this situation even more. A woman in a verbally abusive marriage may tend to withdraw, avoid social events, and become a recluse. " pg. 65 ---- "Rescuing our kids can become a deadly habit that will greatly handicap them in their adult lives. It can easily set them up for marrying a controller." Pg. 68 ---- "We should never be too occupied to listen to our little ones with not just our ears, but our hearts also." Pg. 73 ----- "We can either choose to be the injured party, or confront the issue kindly and firmly. In other words, we can speak the truth in love and not allow ourselves to be the butt of someone's dysfunction. Then we can walk away from it." Pg. 79 ---- "The best way to handle a narcissistic controller is to keep your mouth shut, then do what you want. " pg. 88 ---- " When emotional mistreatment has reached a point in our lives where we realize that we cannot cope anymore, we come to a crossroad. We know we must change the directions of our lives or give up. ... We know a choice is required. It isn't easy to change our thinking and move out of the box of victimization. We have been indoctrinated for so long, we ourselves believe we don't deserve better. " Pg. 102 ----- "Forgiveness is not as simple as erasing a blackboard. It's not a specific event, but more of a process. You let go word by word, syllable by syllable and comma by comma. Time will help." "Forgiveness begins with a decision." Pg. 106 ----- "In any abusive situation, it is best to state you are leaving then go. The key is to be firm and gentle sift in the delivery of the message, but unyielding in the stance." Pg. 115 ----- "Respect and love make a happy home. " pg. 121 ----- "I learned that true Forgiveness could come only when I was honest about my pain. Instead of making excuses for my abuser and shoving down the agonizing emotions, I faced the abuse, grieved it, and then chose true forgiveness. I learned that forgiveness is a process. When other memories surfaced or fresh hurts came, I became angry, cried, and forgave again. And the hatred melted away." Pg. 128 ----- "We must realize that some people are toxic to us. When they behave obnoxiously, then strong boundaries must be established in order for us to function in an emotionally healthy manner. " pg. 144 ------- "Verbal abuse takes a physical and emotional toll as violent and severe as physical abuse." Pg. 147 ----- "Ours words have tremendous power. And weather we want to or not, we give life to what we're saying, either good or bad." Pg. 165