Women with Attention Deficit Disorder: Embracing Disorganization at Home and in the Workplace

If you're ADD like me -- "ADD Like Me" wow, what a great movie title! Sorry; I digress -- anyway, if you are, then you'll be scribbling and underlining like mad all through this book. Sari Solden's fresh perspectives have helped me hop off the Treadmill of Getting Nowhereness that so many women with ADD seem to be on. Her hefty book is packed with eye-opening comments that seem outside the perspectives of most other writers on the general subject of ADD/ADHD. Solden's focus is on the impact of ADD behaviors on others and how this distorts the mirror in which we seek our sense of self. That dynamic translates into an array of family, community, and workplace issues. She provides the reader with why/because insights that, while never condescending, make recognizably clear and tenable what others have only skimmed over in their rush to suggest clever coping mechanisms. These insights have already helped me explain to my own significant others -- those who are still speaking to me, that is! -- how I need to approach life and how they can best accommodate my unique style in return for the many ways in which I go overboard accommodating *them*. This delicate negotiation phase is a tricky one that Solden covers, I believe, too briefly given its importance; this is no mere matter of coping mechanisms. In a future edition, she might want to consider expanding that chapter. While at it, she might make her examples of dialog with significant others a little less stilted -- they're written in classic "Therapese" -- so readers could actually imagine themselves saying such things without dissolving into gales of laughter. On a positive note with respect to that same section, I thank Solden for this candid advice, here paraphrased: Don't go on every chance you get about how you have ADD. It's tedious for others to hear." How blessedly judgmental! That sort of practical advice is rare among medical and mental health professionals, but it absolutely belongs in a discussion of living with ADD. Her follow-up is equally helpful: what others *do* need/want to hear. Solden has the courage to say that living with ADD is never going to be easy. The most elegant strategies can always be confounded and it's best to expect these slip-ups and think of ways ahead of time to manage in spite of them. Other authors on this subject seem to think that once armed with the right prescription medicine, a supply of Post-It notes and a PDA, coping with ADD is a battle won. Those with ADD who believe such facile nonsense are doomed to a life of self-loathing. Solden seems to understand this, and helps readers not only understand, but accept it, too. Women with ADD need to read this book with their pens uncapped, or, if they have moral objections to scribbling in books, a good thick notepad handy. There will be much of value to note, review, and especially *use*, long after the wisdom contained in other books on the subject of ADD has gone to the place where an ADDer's intenti

This book should be mandatory reading for any woman who is woefully disorganized. I was always the kid with the messy locker, messy desk, messy bedroom, who eventually evolved into the adult with the messy office and messy house, constantly losing pens and jewelry and keys and phone numbers and important papers, frequently depressed. Getting out the door was a major struggle -- I had to find my keys, find my purse, go b ack to turn off the stove & iron. Then I'd get to where I was going without my list, end up in the checkout line with my purse, but for some reason, it didn't contain my wallet, charge cards or any money (other than the three wadded up singles, change from yesterday's lunch). (The wallet would end up under my bed or sitting on the kitchen table or somewhere.) I'd show up at the gym without my sneakers; I once showed up for a beach vacation without the sunscreen and aloe vera I had purchased the day before just for the trip. I was (and probably still am) the poster child for disorganization, I felt defective for this, ashamed to have people at my home because of the mess. This isn't laziness or simple space-cadetness, it is CLASSIC ADD BEHAVIOR. Recognizing this is extremely useful in figuring out how to deal with all the fallout of the disorganization. I've also suffered from some debilitating depression over the years, and I've attributed my disorganization to my depression. ("I'm too depressed to wash the dishes.") After reading this (and a few other books), I think it's the other way around. My disorganization and complete inability to sort things out, attributable to ADD, has led to depression. When my doctor first suggested ADD (in response to my concerns with depression), I was surprised. After all, I'm not a hyperactive twelve-year-old boy who can't seem to do well in school despite ability and intelligence. Rather, I was able to whiz through school, collecting good grades at every step along the way. That's not uncommon with women with ADD -- they can actually thrive in structured environments. It's difficult for them to excel in a wholly unstructured environment. Most are great at creative, strategic thinking. If an activity is highly stimulating, they will hyperfocus and do quite well (although perhaps spending more time than is appropriate for the task). If something is seemingly mundane or ministerial, it just doesn't get done. In other words, ADD incorporates not only an inability to focus, but a tendency to hyperfocus on occasion. If your life is all fumbling in your oversized purse for keys or a pen, trying to find the little yellow sticky note with someone's phone number, paying your bills and taxes late because you can't find your checkbook, an envelope, a stamp, READ THIS BOOK. Unfortunately, physicians typically overlook the possibility of ADD in women (they don't get to see the stacks and stacks of papers in our homes & offices) -- and therefore, we're left thinking we're disorganized failures. This book gi

Funny thing with this book. I did not know anything about it, did not even know that adults could have ADD. I was at the library, and as I was reaching for another book "Women with Attention deficit..." literally fell into my hand. I renewed this book over ten times. I am placing an order to give as Christmas gifts. At the risk of sounding dramatic I must be truthful and say that this book saved my life. I am one of these misdiagnosed women. My therapist was adamant that I do not have ADD. I was hurt by this because I thought he would help me develop what I was learning. I continued applying the lessons without his help. Sari Solden, where have you been all my crazy, disorganized life? I am so grateful for what I learned. Since reading this, I have raised my standards. No more bottom barrel jobs for this woman here. I interview like a pro, I know my gifts now, I can go on and on. I will never go back to what I was, (I do not know how I lived this way for so long) The best thing this wonderful brilliant professional did for me is to help me get over my shame about my so called secret. I love myself. I am a single mother, and my kids do not recognize me now. I am a wonderful, creative, assertive, organized, efficient, smart, beautiful, superduper black sister now! Thanks Ms.Solden. I just want you to know that I pray for you and ask God to continue blessing you for your bringing this much needed hope and empowerment to ADD women.