Without a Map

...this is a book that anyone who has wondered, "How could someone give up their baby?" should read. And if you have ever asked, "What kind of person gives up their baby?" this is a must read, because the answer is... someone just like any of us. Things happen beyond our control - sometimes they just get out of hand and sometimes they are just unfamiliar and unexpected. Through everything that Meredith Hall experienced since she was 16 and her world turned upside down, she has remained steadfast in hope and Love. She was shunned, she was made to feel dirty, shame, and guilt - no just by strangers or school friends or the father of her child, but her parents. This book is a testament to the love between a child and mother. As the years passed since Memorial Day 1966, Meredith never forgets her baby - the baby everyone was ashamed of, that everyone shunned her because of, the baby that was her only companion and solace until he was born. For 21 years she counts his birthdays and thinks of him growing up... each of them without the other. This book is also a record of the attitude that society had (and still has) about the mothers and children that form the base of the adoption industry. How Dr. Quinn talks to Meredith and his careless placement of her baby in an abusive home speaks volumes. When birth-mother, adoptive mother, and their child meet we see three people with the same heart - a heart filled with love and forgiveness and hope. Meredith Hall has written a story - her story - that not only will open eyes but will open minds and hearts as well. All our parents stories are the beginning of our stories.

I cry when I read this book. I don't mean to, but somehow it happens, and more than once, because the writing is so tender and vulnerable and immensely beautiful. It is powerful, but in a very quiet, unassuming way, so it comes as a surprise when I find myself so moved by Meredith Hall's story. It is a story of drifting, of existing outside of one's self, of struggling to fill an all-encompassing emptiness. Grief, love, and compassion are woven together in this memoir in a pattern that is very human in its intricacy. The narrative structure is nonlinear, but Hall's memories of different times and places still flow together with an unusual elegance. The texture of her prose is light, delicate, and somehow incredibly soothing despite the fact that it recounts pain, loss and abandonment. This is a stunningly beautiful book that I will definitely read again.

Finally I understand what the word "evocative" means. Hall's prose is like liquid, and she creates pictures and feelings without ever being wordy or sentimental. I thought I would like this book because it was about a woman in New Hampshire, and I thought I would be able to relate to that. Instead, I loved this book because even though Meredith Hall's experiences are nothing like mine, her humanity is exactly like mine, or any other human's. The book's nonlinear structure is unusually well-executed and the story surges forward no matter what direction time is flowing in from chapter to chapter. The book weaves together mortality, relationships, loneliness, nature, and love without romanticizing the people, places, and feelings that Hall uses to explore her life, and the idea of life at all. I can't wait to read her next book.

This is an astonishingly beautiful memoir. I don't frequently get misty-eyed at books, but this made me cry on the subway. This is one of those rare memoirs that manages to move from retelling to a full sensory experience of another person's life. Again, beautiful.

Meredith Hall faced life without a map. However, she's drawing a map for her sons! She's giving to her sons what her parents could not give her: encompassing, unconditional love and compassion. This powerful memoir leads us from abandonment and shame, through years of emptiness and struggle for comprehension, to examination, reflection, redemption and love. Her story is brave and honest; her writing is strong, evocative and elegant. Her path to understanding and acceptance of her parents and herself provides her sons a map for life.