Winning With One-Liners: 3,400 Hilarious Laugh Lines to Tickle Your Funny Bone & Spice Up Your Speeches

I bought three books that all just arrived. I laughed more in the first ten pages of this book than in the other two joke books combined. Plus, most the jokes are only one or two sentences. The jokes are so funny and so short they're a breeze to memorize. This is the book I've been searching for!

No matter what the subject there's a one-liner for it and the best of them are in this book.Its a big book full of laughs.Ideal book for helping you brighten up any speech for any occasion.Grab a copy of this book for yourself and as a gift for others.This has to be the ultimate book on oneliners and not a rude joke in there.Enjoy!

Whether you intend to give speeches or would just like to brighten your day, you'll enjoy this book. I fondly remembered a remark made by famous hypnotist, Dr. Milton Erickson, that "within every fat person, there is a thin person waiting to be excavated", when I read the following one-liner: "Inside of me there is a thin person trying to get out, but I can usually sedate him with five or six doughnuts." Here are few more examples from this book: "Always be on the lookout for new ideas. Why, the guy who invented the spray paint got the ideas when he sneezed while he was drinking the tomato juice." * * * Kid: "When I grow up, I want to be a philanthropist. They always seem to have lots of money." * * * Do you know what doctors write to pharmacists in Latin on those prescription pads? "I got mine, now you get yours." * * * "I always hold hands with my wife. If I let it go, she shops." * * * Teacher: "Who's happier: A man with five million dollars or a man with five children?" Student: "The man with five million." Teacher: "Why?" Student: "Because the man with five million always wants more."

Pat Williams, rapidly becoming one of my favorite authors(MARKETING YOUR DREAMS: BASEBALL AND LIFE LESSONS FROM BILL VEECK, HOW TO BE LIKE MIKE, etc.), scores again with WINNING WITH ONE-LINERS . . . this is a compilation of some 3,400 lines that will make you laugh, but that can also be used to spruce up virtually any speech.I recognized many of my favorites--and many others thatcan now be added to such a list . . . I also liked the fact thatWilliams takes common situations, then provides you witha response . . . for instance, when receiving an award, you cansay something to this effect: "I don't deserve this award. Butthen again, I have arthritis, and I don't deserve that either."This is one book that I'll keep around for my next speech,toast and even eulogy . . . or maybe when I just want a quicksmile.The only problem I have in commenting about it is that thereare so many funny lines that I'm finding it difficult to selectjust a few to present here . . . yet a guy has to do whata guy has to do, so here goes:I just heard the saddest story. A doctor lost all his money on the horses. In an act of desperation, he tried to rob a bank. But nobody could read the holdup note.On Valentine's Day I always try to do a little more for my wife-like holding the door open when she goes out on her paper route.Our crack snow removal team has been removing snow aroundthe clock. And now that the area around the clock is clear, theycan start to work on the streets.This is the time of year when people start going places where they can pay two hundred dollars a day to experience the same kind of heat they were complaining about in August.They keep saying that women are smarter than men. But haveyou ever seen a man's shirt that buttons down the back? Dolphins are so smart that in only a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the edge of a pool and throw them fish.I have a couch at work that I named Nautilus. That way I can honestly tell people that this afternoon I put in two hours on the Nautilus.He was up until 4 a.m. with a great book. Once he starts coloring,he finds it hard to stop. Life can be cruel. As a child, I didn't have enough money to go to a hair stylist. Now I have the money, and I don't have the hair! He's so proud of his new truck. He didn't get the trendy kind--he bought a UPS truck. As he claims, "Laugh if you will, but I can now park anywhere I want!"

I've purchased numerous books on jokes and humor, but found that this book was absolutely hilarious. If I had to choose a favorite topic in the book, the "Diet" one-liners were the funniest. I wish more books were written with this kind of humor. I would definitely recommend this book. I just hope Pat Williams comes out with a sequel.