Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research to Land You the Husband of Your Dreams

I was "that" girl for many years...you know, the one that men dated right before they up and married someone else. Then, about a year ago, I met the man of my dreams. In a effort to not screw it up again, I ran out and read every relationship book I could get my hands on. I read this one in one sitting--right at the bookstore. The author puts the power for your relationship back in your hands and makes you feel OK about wanting to get married, which was my problem for years. I seriously believed I was supposed to act like I didn't care about getting married. Turns out I was attracting guys who didn't want to marry me. Go figure. I read the book, followed the advice and am getting married next year. Now I bought copies of if for all of my single friends. It's not a "how-to" guide, but if you read the research and listen to the advice, it makes perfect sense.

I read some of Molloy's other books in the distant past, and was impressed, so I checked this out. If the topic of how men proceed or don't proceed toward the altar interests you, this book will open your eyes up. A lot of research went into the book, and it was guided a lot by women who were among Molloy's researchers who themselves wanted to get married.Some guys, according to Molloy, become interested in marriage when they no longer fit comfortably into the singles scene. Because they have matured beyond the girls who are still in the singles scene, or the girls in the singles scene start to look at those guys as outsiders who no longer belong in the singles scene. In this book he destroys the notion that women over 40 have a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than married, when he relates that he thought the statement was absurd, and looked at the statistics, and saw that nine percent of women who got married in 1980 were forty or older.Molloy sees men being ready for marriage or not being ready for marriage. When a guy is fresh out of college, he may well want to enjoy his freedom for a couple of years. So he will not be ready to settle down for a while. A woman who wants to get married will concentrate on guys who are ready to get married.Most men proposed only after pressure was applied by the prospective bride, and Molloy argues that if that pressure is not applied that many of the women would not have gotten married. It seems that there is a natural readiness period, and if the proposal doesn't take place in that period, then it won't happen. And it is up to the woman to push it along in many cases, if it is to happen. Molloy suggests that some pressuring is good, and other pressuring is bad. E.g., "I will find someone else if you don't marry me," seems to make the man defensive and uncooperative.I am a straight unmarried guy, and read this because I find the topic interesting. But there is a lot of material that would be useful for women who want to land a husband. There is nothing that focuses specifically on getting a husband of your dreams, per se, but there is material to help you assess whether a current "Mr. Right" is a waste of time (and time destroys mate-finding opportunities!). Or how to proceed with a Mr. Right to optimize your chances of a marriage him.A great book.

Another reader said;"I was surprised to read that the majority of women his team interviewed at marriage license offices admitted they had to give their sweeties what amounts to an ultimatum to get him to commit. (I worry such arm-twisting might account for our high divorce rate.)"I think this misrepresents what Molloy actually says. Molloy does not tell women to use strong arm methods - he tells women to be *honest* in a relationship. If marriage matters to them, they should be honest about that. If their man's response to a suggestion of marriage hurts them, they should be honest about *that*, as well. He does recommend that women try to be considerate in presenting their protests, but what he is basically arguing is that honesty pays. I've been married seventeen years, and seen a lot of friends' marriages do a nosedive in that time, and I think he's right. A friend of mine from high school who recently divorced let her boyfriend/fiance walk all over her while they were dating, then while they were married, until she just couldn't take it anymore, and left him. But she didn't tell him he was hurting her until they'd been married for years! She expected him to know. I think this is far more destructive than honestly telling someone you're close to that marriage is important to you, and you're not sure you can continue the relationship if it won't lead to marriage; or that they hurt you when they dismissed your desire for marriage.When I was dating, many, many women warned me to never mention marriage, and said they never admitted they wanted marriage, because that would chase a guy off. I felt this was dishonest and wouldn't do it. If a guy and I talked life time goals, I was always up front about the fact that I intended to get married and have kids. I never said I intended to marry *him*, but I did discuss why marriage appealed to me and etc. And I got married, while my friends who were careful not to mention marriage did not.A friend of mine once sat me down and scolded me because every guy I'd broken up with then proceeded to get married within a year - I think this happened because Molloy is right; guys honestly *don't* think much about marriage, but when it's presented as a valid possibility during their "Age of Commitment", many of them decide the idea is appealing. He's also right about religious differences being a problem - those relationships didn't last because I ultimately wouldn't compromise on my commitments to God or my principles. Getting married was important to me, but there were other things that were more important.One of the few points I disagree with Molloy on is his emphasis on losing weight. I don't doubt this is what the statistics show, but I'm not convinced he's getting the whole picture. I had more than one guy suggest to me that "if you'd just lose a few pounds, I'd sure like to go out with you." I would NEVER date a man who said that to me. Maybe I could diet down to the weight he preferred for a

I listen to what my romance clients and readers tell me, because I get my best information that way. And the most recent tidbit was to read "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others" by John T. Molloy. Even though the title sounds like every other "How to Get Yourself Married" book out there, Molloy knows what he is talking about, and he has the research to prove it.This book provides the kind of information women wanting a mate need, whether they like it or not. Sure, some of it sounds wearily familiar, like women who allow their weight to creep up drastically lower their chance of marrying, or one needs to love oneself first. But the section on how to determine whether the man you are dating is likely to marry is a gem. As well, Molloy (like Rachel Greenwald in "How to Find a Husband After 35") suggests women widen their criteria for potential mates, describing an underappreciated group of men in their 30's, 40's and 50's who dearly wanted to get married but have about given up, they have been rejected so often. Most lacked in one of three areas: Looks, height and social skills. Sound familiar? Just substitute weight for height, and you have why women are usually rejected, too. But Molloy went on to say that these same men were just as nice, just as intelligent, and just as hard working as the more attractive men. Same as with ladies, right? So give each other a chance, huh? Molloy suggests several dates with these underappreciated guys before making up your mind. When first date jitters subside, you might find a bit of a prince emerging.The most eye-opening chapter was #5: Speaking of Marriage. According to Molloy's research, in approximately three out of four marrying couples, it was up to the woman to get conversations about marriage started, if not to downright insist on marriage if the relationship were to continue. Goodness! And Molloy follows up his figures with suggestions on how to get the conversation going. This is probably both good and bad news for the already overburdened ladies - If he hasn't popped the question and you need to do a little pushing, you are not alone, by far. The only disappointing chapter was the last one, "Meeting Online." Since this is my area of expertise (I am a CyberRomance Coach), I found the less than five-page treatment of the most important resource to arise for singles distressingly shallow. Really, Mr. Malloy, you should have left this chapter out all together, rather than give it such short shrift. Please feel free to get in touch if you would like me to better educate you in this area - really! I'm serious! You can check out my website at www.KathrynBLord.com!

How I wish I had read this when I was still in my 30s. If you're looking for a book that is entertaining or touchy-feely, skip this one. It reports results of thousands of interviews and bares the hard cold facts--some made me feel optimistic, most were sobering but truthful and necessary to know. I was surprised to read that the majority of women his team interviewed at marriage license offices admitted they had to give their sweeties what amounts to an ultimatum to get him to commit. (I worry such arm-twisting might account for our high divorce rate.) What interested me most was the section that discussed The Stringer, the kind of fellow you date for years without any certainty of a future in terms of marriage. So you wake up in your early 40s, figure out his game, then find how very hard it is to find a man who wants to date (and marry) you who isn't a whole lot older than you (and probably more interested in you as his geriatric nurse). Molloy described stringers as "very destructive" because their M.O. can result in woman being single (and he didn't mention, childless) the rest of her life. Also, we all kind of know it and Molloy was sympathetic to the unfairness of it, but the statistics are as clear as a bell that women who let themselves get heavy put themselves in a very, very bad position to attract a man despite a few happy string bean-tomato exceptions. He included some good tips on where to go to meet men even though I'd rather stay single than devote time to model train shows or hang out in sports bars (however he did cite other places more appealing to me). Why aren't more single men going to places where women with high values tend to gravitate--churches, volunteer programs, cultural institutions, etc.? I guess it goes back his finding that they need to be pressured to grow up and commit, and singles bars are the easiest route to a fling. Reminds me of Reagan's quote, "It was women who brought men out of the caves." I wish Molloy would lay some cold facts on men in his next book, but of course which gender is it who reads books on enhancing relationships?