Why Men Are the Way They Are!

This is the 4th or 5th time I've had to order this book. I have loaned it out so many times, that I no longer purchase just one. My husband and I read it when it first came out - and were both astonished. I'm still astonished that something so politically incorrect could have become a best-seller. Yet when I read it, I knew intuitively that Farrell was right; reverse sexism is rampant -and it's true - one can make a joke about a white male that would be considered racist, sexist,etc. were it made about anyone else. It's everywhere. I loved the way Farrell illustrated his points - following advertising, television, popular reading. He pointed out how women have learned to demand more and more, while men are still baffled about what they thought women wanted in the first place.The tragedy is that women really believe that they MUST have a sensitive, caring man....who is also an Alpha male! The impossibility of meeting such contradictory demands confuses men AND women who do not see that their "needs" are really "wants" and are incredibly unrealistic - which sets them up for disappointment and pain in relationships. I'm a therapist, and this book is required reading for anyone in couples counseling. I have also recommended it to countless newly divorced men still reeling with the injustice of it all. In addition, women often find the book freeing - for it gives them permission to love and accept their human husbands - and to re-examine their own often skewed values. Nice job, Farrell - and you did it without mentioning drumming even once. Thanks. Connie Brennen

This book, along with Farrell's companion 'The Myth of Male Power' is a revelation for any man who has not yet come to understand how the mating world works. I had already read a fair bit of this sort of thing (search the Net for the words Cash, Clothes, Confidence, Car, Castle, Credit, not as a phrase but include all six of the words), so I was not completely bowled over. But if you are new to this, wow. Eye-opening. Unfortunately, you will not improve your situation by discussing these insights, most especially with women. Farrell's courageous works (what middle-aged and older men know but have learned not to discuss) sold relatively well when published but the ideas have already faded from view for the most part. Feminists and politicians don't want to hear this sort of thing. If you're a man under thirty, you need to read this for self-protection if nothing else. If you're a woman, this book will help you to understand why the bachelor sector of Western nations is continually growing, and why those "commitmentphobes" are the way they are.

Farrell, a former NOW director, has taken a critical eye towards societal, cultural, and biological (in that order) factors in how male-female relationships are played out. This book is not just a backlash or knee-jerk reaction to mainline feminism: after all, the author worked for NOW. He synthesizes data from the hundreds of men-only, women-only, and couples groups that he has organized, and material from the media (magazines, books, movies, TV), and comes to some stark conclusions. Shocking though they might be, they are well reasoned, and examples abound.The book is a bit old, but I venture to guess that not much has changed. In fact, I'm almost certain even with just a cursory survey of magazines, books, newspapers, and movies.ALL men and women who are frustrated with why relationships (romantic or otherwise) are so rarely satisfying should read this. Even those that are in satisfying relationships should read this to understand a little more how society and culture pressures both men and women into mutually destructive roles.

An absolute must read, for both sexes: things you always suspected were true, but never, ever dared say out loud. Sanity in printed form. I have given 30 or so copies of this book to friends, and all have said it made blindingly clear the basic assumptions underlying what men and women do to each other. It WILL cure your love life. I have found that the book helps me see what is going on in social and business situations in a way so straightfoward and enlightening that I sometimes break out laughing from sheer astonishment. Best of all, the machinations of both female and male enforcers of certain societal obligations will seem just quaint. AND IT HAS CARTOONS!

Years ago, as a "male feminist," I was a contributing editor of a feminist newsletter. I wrote often about the oppressions of women. Then one day while in the throes of researching why women were paid (then) just 59 cents to men's dollar, I came across Warren Farrell's "Why Men Are the Way They Are." I could not put the book down. It was jarring. It turned upside down everything I'd learned about the sexes. Most jarring was that for the first time in my life I felt understood as a man. And I now truly understood women. I went from hating my own sex and trying to be women's savior, to caring deeply for both men and women. That's the power of understanding that this book creates. It's sad that ideological feminists still denounce and plot against it.