Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress

From: www.BasilAndSpice.com Author & Book Views On A Healthy Life! Book Review: Why Mars & Venus Collide by John Gray, Ph.D. Are you stressed out? The burdens of work, child-rearing, credit card debt, commuting, including the rising costs of healthcare, housing, and food is demanding a significant payment from our marriages and romantic relationships today. We are too tired and busy to maintain our partners emotional and physical needs. Which in turn, creates further pressure, leading to fights, emotional separation, and divorce. John Gray,Ph.D. author of Why Mars and Venus Collide points out the effects of stress on modern relationships: Mild depression from stress suppresses passion. A sense of urgency takes away our patience and flexibility. A sense of distress, anxiety, and panic greatly diminishes our capacity to be happy. Irritability overshadows our feelings of affection, appreciation, and tenderness. Decreased energy limits how much we can freely give of ourselves. With unstable blood sugar levels, our moods either become flat or fluctuate too much. Men lose interest in the relationship while women feel overwhelmed with too much to do and not enough time and support. Beyond this, stress of course leads to physical problems as well--infertility issues, digestive difficulties, insomnia, high blood pressure, and decreased immune function among other impairments. Men and women react differently to stress because of chemical and physiological differences within our bodies. Not understanding the behaviors of the opposite sex during these difficult times can lead to further misunderstanding. Men produce large amounts of testosterone, especially during stress situations, which hinders oxytocin--a calming chemical. This allows men to fight for survival or protect the family when necessary. It also causes hostility, withdrawal, and sometimes anger. Women produce oxytocin, released in large quantities during childbirth and breastfeeding. Estrogen, another female chemical, raises the effectiveness of oxytocin. Women would rather talk through their difficulties, protect and care for their children, and surround themselves with female support. Understanding your partner is the key to a destressed relationship, making home a safe haven rather than a war of roses. Men tend to think of themselves as the breadwinners, difficult as it may be today. Though needing nurturing and love, they are risk takers with money, more dominant and independent, and tend to focus by blocking out distractions. When under stress, they will become silent. Best option here--John Gray writes that it is important to leave the man alone. In fact, ignore him for a while. This will help destress him. Women tend to multitask, see the implications of a situation in a broader context, reach out to absorb more information, and skillfully use verbal abilities. Faced with stress, they will argue and persuade. Best option here--give the woman some atten

"The real reason women are tired today is not because they have too much to do. It is because they are not producing enough oxytocin to cope with stress." ~ pg. 81 In "When Mars and Venus Collide," John Gray masterfully guides readers from a place of conflict to a place of peace. He gives the tools that are necessary to cultivate a harmonious relationship and also gives scientific proof to support his main arguments. While this book seems to have been written mostly for women there is an amazing list of ideas for men who want to boost their partner's oxytocin (helps women deal with stress) levels. There is also a list for women who want to boost their oxytocin levels naturally. Since the last place you want to be even more stressed is at home with your partner, John Gray shows you how to argue more effectively. Instead of avoiding problems there are ways to connect with your partner while you solve real-life issues. As life becomes increasingly more stressful it is good to know that there is a way to balance your life through thoughtful actions and positive thoughts. John Gray has refined his message so you can feel the fluidity of his thoughts. At the end of the book, he also discusses lifestyle choices that are essential for health. This book will encourage a reduction in stress in any Mars and Venus relationship. I can recommend this book to women who are trying to balance their work and home life and need to connect with their partner in a more meaningful way. ~The Rebecca Review

I'm a Doctor, and BY FAR the #1 cause of all people's concerns is stress. Whether it's back pain or emotional distress. Financial concerns or lack of energy. It doesn't matter the outward expression. 99% of the time, the ultimate cause is an inability to manage the stresses of their life. I saw John speak last night, and was blown away by the content of his new book. Finally, a biological basis for who we are as men & women! It's so clear and makes so much sense now. What I especially appreciated were his easy to apply actions and strategies for creating more happiness and success, both as individuals and as couples. The few hours spent learning this new material from John last night has instantaneously catapulted the quality of my life, my relationships, and my ability to make a difference and contribute to others. Thank you John!

Stress is counterproductive to just about everything and it is no surprise to me that stress is so damaging to relationships. I found John's book to be not only interesting, but very useful. This is the right book to recommend to anyone who does not have the time, or rather does not make the time to relax and get to know the people in their lives. Highly recommended. I am the author of: One Boy's Struggle: A Memoir: Surviving Life with Undiagnosed ADD Bryan

As a leadership coach, who helps women executives win at the game of business in C-suites across Corporate America, this book has been most helpful in understanding how important the hormone oxytocin is in reducing an executive woman's stress levels. Since the culture at most companies has been shaped over time by male executives, women are at a disadvantage when it comes to gender-based differences in communication styles and coping with on-the-job stress. Taking part in testosterone-producting activities at work can diminish a woman's oxytocin levels. Creating a balanced lifestyle, that sustains productive energy by producing plenty of oxytocin, is the key to reducing stress levels and insuring the female executive's success both at work and at home. That's "Why Mars & Venus Collide" by John Gray, Ph.D. is a must read for all women executives.