Why Don't You Want What I Want?: How to Win Support for Your Ideas Without Hard Sell, Manipulation, or Power Plays

The approach in Rick Maurer's "Why Don't You Want What I Want?" reminds me of a great deal of Dale Carnegie's, "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It basically is a human relations approach to communication and teamwork. If you work in an environment that requires you to work collaboratively, this book is a must. Maurer truly takes a practical approach to the rare skill of collaboration of ideas. He starts by exploring different levels of resistance and how much a serious barrier to collaboration those levels can be. Next, he explores six steps for engagement with the central principle that true active listening can make all the difference. Maurer concludes by expanding these ideas and concepts beyond the mere world of work to the family. This book really hit home with me. I'm a Director of a non-profit agency and in my work the skills of collaboration are critical and integral in working with constituents to moving towards a common goal and in a common direction. With one of our constituent groups, we had reached a stage of near impasse and Maurer's book helped our organization move through that situation and even move beyond that to start rebuilding trust. If Maurer's common-sense ideas of human relations are listened to and practiced, it can pay huge dividends in trying to achieve a greater good. This book comes highly recommended. --MMW

'Why Don't You Want What I Want' sits on my business shelves as one of a very short list of books that I consider useful, practical and provocative references, both in support of my learning and of the work I do with clients. Rick Maurer has that rare ability to blend practical and concrete experience with a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor, and then set it in the context of a sound theoretical footing. Rick's earlier books were thoughtful and useful; this one is the best yet in its ability to integrate ideas with action.Of most value to me in my coaching of leaders was the extended discussion of the Principles of Engagement, touchstones for those seeking dialogue and opportunities to influence outcomes. In particular, the chapter on avoiding Knee-Jerk responses has served me well as I work with men and women whose needs and wants often differ from my own. This book flows. Interviews with those whose experience relates to the point Maurer is making, strengthen the book throughout. I was left with a commitment to try new approaches to bringing value to my client work, largely, I think, because of the creative, engaging style of the author. Maurer makes you smile and Maurer makes you think!I turned down more page corners in this book than in many I have read recently. This is a true 'working copy'; it is a book I turn to when I am looking for perspective or fresh thinking about impact and influence.Finally, I bought copies of the book for some of my clients, in particular those who have the challenge of developing effective, committed teams quickly. Now they can consider some of Rick Maurer's ideas and perspectives directly as we work on approaches to their impact on the business.

I've read all of Rick Maurer's books. They are supposedly for business leaders and managers, but I find them highly personal. None disappoints. Each enlightens and enlivens. And so with "Why Don't You Want What I want?". If one wants to support living a life of integrity, at work or at home,this book has many answers. Rick proposes that winning support for one's ideas and agenda be based on honest relationship, not one fraught with manipulation and/or coercion. As a consultant and trainer I have found with very few exceptions that my clients are good at lobbying for their point of view but lack the attitude and therefore the ability to genuinely inquire into another's. These (lobbying and inquiring) must come more into balance, says the author, if others are to join us rather than make it their raison d'etre to resist us. We also must know our intentions. While I think " knowing my true intentions" takes the maturity and the skill of being a competent observer of myself (and this is far from easy), Rick Maurer makes some distinctions and offers tools that lighten the task for the willing. As a matter of fact, that's one of the high points of reading this (or any) Rick Maurer book. It's simply written, makes sense against my personal and professional experience, is witty and funny. But what attracts me most to "Why Don't You Want What I Want?" is that I can use it to "stay on purpose," and my purpose is to enhance my personal power and that of others in my business and personal life. Building commitment, strategies for avoiding resistance in the first place, and dealing with it when I have to are part of my every day. I enjoy competence in those domains. "Why Don't You Want What I Want" has moved me to a higher level of competence. I've passed a copy on to some of my clients. Invariably the title alone has captured their interest. That tells me there is a need out there for practical answers to the question "Why Don't You Want What I Want?". Rick Maurer's book has them.

Why Don't You Want What I Want?: How To Win Support For Your Ideas With Hard Sell, Manipulation, Or Power Plays is an informed and informative work specifically written by organization change consultant and public speaker Rick Maurer for business executives, managers, and salespeople who need to garner support and unity from colleagues and associates in order to get their job done. Why Don't You Want What I Want is also very strongly recommended reading for anyone in the private or public sectors facing the complex task for getting a group to rally to the cause. Individual chapters address presenting one's position in the most persuasive manner; avoiding knee-jerk reactions; building trust even in a hostile environment; and a great deal more. Reader friendly, innovative, and practical, Why Don't You Want What I Want? can and will enable anyone to peacefully influence a loved one in ways that will enhance familial bonds or friends in a manner that will strengthen and deepen friendship.

I would like to share reactions to Rick Maurer's book and how others have found it useful rather than a precis of the ideas in it. I have used this book with two very different client groups and found that it provided the same result: stimulating a realization that getting caught up in the beauty and merits one's position may be what is getting in the way of influencing others. Both groups saw immediate applicability of the ideas and seemed very open to the framework Maurer outlines to sort out where resistance is coming from and how to more effectively build commitment. One group, potential leaders in fund raising for a not-for-profit saw that the pitfalls described by Maurer of "getting out ahead of others" and "missing their reactions" as the major impediments in their success in face to face canvessing of major donors. The other group, European middle IT managers in a Global Consultancy became very energized in exploring the utility of Maurer's "Principles to Aid in Building Commitment" - "Considering the Context" of the head office in the USA and "Paying Attention" to what they and the American head office staff were focusing on proved to be a watershed to developing new tactics that they believed would improve the likelyhood of influencing the US head office. Maurer states that this approach is not suitable for everyone and I whole heartedly concurr. If the people involved are not open to a cooperative process that may result in melding parts of the competing ideas, don't waste time or create false expectations. On the other hand if you want to get practical and specific ideas to explore how to engage someone in understanding and commiting to "your" ideas this book is a great starting point.I know Rick Maurer personally, I like him and his ideas. I suspect that this formulation of his research and insights on understanding resistance and building support will be helpful to many.