Why Don't We Listen Better?: Communicating & Connecting in Relationships

Jim Petersen's book, Why Don't We Listen Better?, is easy to read and easy to follow. If you are in a crisis communication situation, you can start on the road to communicating better in less than an hour with the talk-listen card that is included with the book. Using the talk-listen card helps relieve tension by allowing participants to focus on the job they should be doing at the time. This technique makes talking about things you might be upset about less intimidating and scary. If I could be Queen For A Day, I'd ask that everyone learn the techniques presented in this book, and be a "card-carrying" listener.

This book was recommended by a psychiatrist friend of mine. It was well written (although I did find some typos) and contained information new to me. I found two concepts that were particularly useful: 1. The 'flat brain' theory & 2. The 'talker-listener' card strategy. The 'flat-brain' theory explains why it is hard to listen when emotions are involved. And the author's description of the 'talker listener' card strategy provides a detailed and clearly-explained methodology for both listening AND being heard. The author's common-sense explanations of listening techniques add quite a lot to the value of the book and obviously have been honed over the years through the author's experience as a pastoral counselor. My wife and I read this book to each other, and spent a lot of time discussing the content as we went along. I highly recommend this method of reading. Now we both use the 'talker-listener' method when discussing 'hot' topics. It helps us listen to each other's point of view and we usually both feel 'heard' even when we disagree. I also find myself listening better almost anytime I find myself with someone who is talking. Over-all, if you are in the market for a book that will make a big difference in your ability to communicate (talk and listen) in difficult situations, then this is your book!

As a pastor, I deal with people all the time whose relationships are struggling. Dr. Peterson's book finally gets to the bottom of much of our communication struggles. Without placing blame on anyone, his insights may be the one tool we have all been looking for, to be heard and to finally understand one another. I can't recommend this book highly enough to all who would like to understand people better or to improve their relationships.

Dr. Petersen's practical guide to better communication not only answers the question that is the title of his book, but takes the reader and user of his techniques (the innovative TALKER/Listener card) on a journey into a higher quality of life. Good relationships start with clear communication of expectations, feelings, and desires. They flourish when we help each other listen carefully to the deeper meaning of what we say by practicing basic fairness with each other and by offering equal opportunity to our partners to speak and be heard correctly. This is more than a self-help book. I've used it to teach communication skills and insights in my marriage and family course in college. I recommend highly.

Being a nursing student I need to be able to hear what others are telling me and then have the skills to listen even harder. I deal with a lot of people that communicate differently than I do and don't have a lot of time to get to know them. This book helped, and continues to help me, do my job.