When to Forgive: How to Rebuild and Affair-Proof Your Marriage

This book is an elegantly simple and clear guide to the complex topic of forgivess. It helped me reflect on my own personally significant experience with forgiveness, and lead me to an even greater understanding of the act of choosing to exercise free-will in choosing among the options that we have. Mona Gustasfon-Affinito's brilliant understanding and appreciation of the forgiveness process offers a model--tools, structure and exercises supported by real examples of other peoples' experiences with forgiveness that provide a framework for working through the journey. Since reading the book, I have found it to be an invaluable resource with it's conceptual framework and process in my own work with clients when issues of forgivness arise. I have referred the book to friends. The power of choice to forgive and then to release the pent-up pain, sadness, anger and frustration that results from choosing to forgive leads to a potent liberation one's soul. I highly recommend this book.

When To Forgive is the best self help book on the topic of forgiveness that I have read. Ms Gustafon Affinito's approach to the complex subject of forgiveness is clear and direct. Reading her book helped me realize how accurately my own personal journey to forgiveness aligns with the process she details in her book. Her brilliantly thoughtful and precise approach to the process of forgiveness ackowledges the free will that exists within each of us to choose forgiveness, which is a very intentional act. When someone choses to release the pain, anger, sadness and resentment, the process liberates a person from the stranglehold that non-forgiveness takes on. Reading the book after having completed the foregiveness process left me with a deeper, clearer understanding of the power of forgiveness, of acknowledging the perpetrator as responsible for the painful act committed against me, of choosing to exercise my free-choice and step out of victim-hood, and of freeing myself from the self blame, shame and self doubt that comes with non-forgiveness. No one needs to be a prisoner of another's act. Releasing oneself is an act of exercising the will to choose his or her own path to justice, and this book illustrates this beautifully, with thoughtful definitions and a clear processs that are complimented with exercises, stories and tools.This book is a direct yet thoughtful and gentle blueprint for the forgiveness journey. I have since shared this book with clients and friends. I now have a new framework with which to work with my own clients when issues of forgiveness arise. This book will assist many people who are ready to release themselves from the stranglehold of non-forgiveness. Thank you, Mona, for your exquisite work.

Ms. Gustafson Affinito's definition of forgiveness correlates perfectly with my personal experience. In my own life, I had to first think about the hurt this person committed against me, decide if it was intentional, and consider my options. Punish? Walk away? Forgive? What were my goals in forgiveness? When I consciously decided to forgive, I didn't forget the offense, but I experienced a release of the negative energy bottled inside for so long. I could move on and even love this person again. The exercises, stories and commentary on the process of forgiveness offer a clear approach to moving toward justice in any situation. "When to Forgive" passes no judgments, yet empathizes with the victim's emotions. It also offers some new insights to ponder about forgiveness. Such as, when you forgive, you also place blame. And just punishment of your own making must have an ending, or you will remain responsible, a prisoner, of your offender forever. This book could help a lot of people.

I was sharing with a walking partner, Kathy, that I had attended a forum on "forgiveness" presented by Mona Gustafson Affinito. Kathy was very intrigued with the idea that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. Since Kathy's birthday was right around the corner When to Forgive was the perfect present for her. Forgiveness! My mother shares a painful memory that happened 35 years ago. My deceased father not only conceals that his boss was having a birthday party, but he secretly went without her. Why? He was too embarrassed to bring his seven month pregnant wife along. I recommended Mona's book in hopes that my mother comes to terms with this painful memory that is so fresh that even 35 years later it causes tears to flow. Six months ago a friend was walking on air. She had a diamond engagement ring that would cause the sun to blink. But now she is no longer engaged. She said that Chapter 9 of Mona's book has helped her better understand what happened. An acquaintance is faced with the tragic loss of a niece to murder. The niece's marine husband is found guilty of the murder. I shared When to Forgive and specifically pointed out Chapter 11 "Waiting for the Aspirin to work" which talks about violent crime and forgiveness.Ms. Affinitos book is an easy to read hands on book that is very relevant to our lives/our relationships. My only complaint is that I can't seem to keep a copy around long enough. I've given away two books and have just purchased another copy. Thanks, Mona. Kathy

This is an immensely helpful book. Through the subject of forgiveness the author gives the reader a complex yet clear guidebook for self-exploration. The exercises give the reader a practical method for disentangling a web of emotions so he or she can work through them one by one. I particularly like that the author left open the possibility that the reader may choose to punish. This way, the goal is a healthy and mindful decision rather than a demand for forgiveness as the only healthy option. Either way, the reader gains self-knowledge. I have gained some real insights in reading this book.By the way, the paragraph on moral rules in the blame section is an excellent nugget of insight. The book is full of these little bonuses, clear-sighted delineations of issues that you wouldn't necessarily expect in a book on Forgiveness. I think the book does a great job of treating the entire soul while always focusing on one aspect of human interaction.