When the One You Love Wants to Leave: Guidance and Comfort for Surviving Marital Crisis

I read this book within a week after my wife left me, and it helped me tremendously. Donald Harvey maybe oversimplifies things, but when you are going through the crisis, you want to know why this is happening and what to do. Not all of the "why" questions will ever be answered, but this book helped me make some sense of what was going on, why a spouse leaves and what to do and how to do it. Most of the time if someone leaves a marriage it is the husband and just to make it easier to read he refers to the spouse that has left as "he" or the "husband". I am afraid that I must disagree with the Rev. Dr. Daniel J.G.G. Block's review of the book. I'm a pastor and I reccomend it to every pastor I know to have for a reference and to give to someone who is facing this crisis. You will never know what it is like unless you've been through it. I've been through it and this book helped me very much.

I received the previous edition of this book when my husband left 13 years ago. It was actually sent to me by my mother-in-law. It was a godsend. It gave me a framework to use to deal with my grief and gave me strength to overcome my emotional impulses and think rationally. I have recommended it over and over again throughout the years to friends and family finding themselves in this situation. I can't recommended it highly enough.

I found Dr. Harvey's book to be helpful. In essence, Dr. Harvey explains the three basic reasons men leave women. My husband's departure seemed to fit neatly into one of those categories. Then Dr. Harvey explains that a woman's three options when her husband chooses to separate are to divorce him immediately, pursue him (often tempting, but rarely successful) or to give him his space with no contact beyond what's absolutely necessary. I'm currently trying the latter approach in the hope that my husband will realize that leaving our home for a studio apartment isn't as peachy as he thinks. I think I'm making a good decision, and this book helped to give me the framework and strength to make it.

When my husband told me he was having an affair I was devastated. My whole life was falling apart. Then I found this book and started reading. Unlike other books that explain a lot but don't give much practical advice on how to deal with your situation, this book actually gives real practical advice. I would call it a 'First Aid Kit'. It restored my sanity. It helped me a lot to deal with my emotions and to start taking control of my life again. Nothing can really take away the pain an unfaithful spouse inflicts on their mate, but after reading the book you will at least know that all the chaos and emotions you are experiencing are normal. Thank you, Donald Harvey!