When Parents Love Too Much: Freeing Parents and Children to Live Their Own Lives

This book was recommended to me by a close friend. I am recently engaged and have been having trouble with my mother since my fiance and I have began our relationship. Because I am an only child and am estranged from my extended family, I felt that me upcoming nuptials would be a time to rejoice and begin a new chapter in my life of merging two families together. Needless to say, the opposite occured and I was often left wondering why there is this tremendous strain between my mother and I. Why is it that I am so sad during the happiest time of my life? While reading this book, I felt like it dug deep into my childhood and pinpointed all of the important events that ultimately shaped me as an adut. At times, I felt like it was written especially for me! I focused on how controlling parents can run your life so much that their concerns become your own with realizing it. I discovered that my self-criticism is a result of my parental relationship and I began to feel vindicated and free. This is a great book if you want to dig in deep into the reasons why your parents became who they are and what you became as a result of it as well.

Mitch and Laurie have compassionately written about a phenomenon that is not often talked about - one where parents desperately love and cling to their children, to the point of emotionally smothering them. When Parents Love Too Much was a critical read in my own life that helped me see the insanity of the relationship with my mother. Not only did Mitch and Laurie pinpoint exactly what I was going through, through this book they challenged me to rethink my role as a daughter and ultimately as a parent myself. This book touched on many issues I faced as the child of a parent who loved too much and gave answers to the underlying questions and concerns that I had. More importantly, I found specific strategies to help me disentangle myself from the emotional bondage. When Parents Love Too Much provides a thorough look into the lives of both parent and child caught in "over-loving." Without blaming either party, this book helped me regain confidence and belief in myself. It was a tremendous help to me and continues to be a book I refer back to.

I bought this book because I was getting way too stressed about disappointments in my children's lives. Objectively I knew that through a little pain comes growth, but I still couldn't stop my almost physical pain when my kids encountered failure. I just wanted to rush in, take away the pain, and save them. I knew this was wrong, but I needed to better understand why I was thinking this way before I could change.When I read this book, I clearly saw what was going on. I also saw the beginnings of signs in my kids that I was "over parenting" them. I also saw and understood alot of what was going on in my friend's families (they are all now reading this).The info is not EARTH shaking, but it is illuminating. the book is easy to read, but I wish there had been more about how to change your parenting skills. (really only one or two chapters on this, the rest is examples of loving too much and the effect it has on the kids, and the kids in their adulthood).