When I Was Five I Killed Myself

This engaging and deceptively simply story centers on Burt, an 8-year old who's placed in a mental hospital after expressing his burgeoning sexuality with a girl his own age. It's the story of a boy with exceptional intelligence and creativity who cannot relate to kids his own age nor to adults set on treating him as a little kid. Throughout the story, Burt is simply searching for someone to listen to him. Buten's style and insights into children's psychology are fascinating and are sure to affect every reader.

"Getting in touch with your inner child" has been given an entirely new voice. "When I Was Five, I Killed Myself", a re-release of an amazing story by Howard Buten, has just found new life on this side of the ocean. Originally published as "Burt" here in the States in 1981, this original and fresh young adult book didn't find immediate success. Buten then published it in France, where it (and he) became known as "one of France's best-loved contemporary writers", even though the author and the story are both American. Go figure."When I Was Five..." is the wholly original story of Burton Rembrandt, a precocious and misunderstood young man, trying to grow up around adults who seem to have landed here from another planet. None of their words or actions make much sense to Burton...or Burt...but, neither does he to those who must try and to understand and deal with his unique way of seeing the world around him. When an event transpires totally out of Burt's control, and the resulting backlash lands him in The Children's Trust Residence Center, Burt finds himself in a dangerous and completely alien new world. Nothing makes sense to him anymore...and he reacts in the only way he knows how...by throwing tantrums, aching to voice not only his confusion at the treatment he's recieving, but also at his frustration with not being able to communicate with adults. Told completely from Burt's point of view, this story is one of the most intelligent and lyrical stories ever written. Given the mysticism of youth and told in a voice that is at once immature and completely adult, this goes down as one of the most influential books I have ever read in this genre. It's message and story literally took my breath away at times...and it's importance lingers long after I've read the last word.

It's not very often you come across books of this magnitude and scope,it is not easy either to choose a favourite book of all time. Yet this book which I have read years and years ago was a true revelation. It speaks to the child in you, it reaches out to the reader in a mysterious and profound way.It's like reliving a child's dream, remembering a song you used to sing as a child or a face from times forgotten. I think what's best about it is that the more you read it , the more you wish you could do something about it. if all books were written like this one, the word fiction will no longer be appropriate.

In the true voice of an 8 yr. old, the story is compelling, fascinating, and disturbing, from the opening sentence to the last period. It is hilariously funny at times and horribly tragic at others. It is not light-hearted, but ultimately, it is uplifting. I could not recommend it more. (It is provocative, however, so be warned.)

This books deserves to be in print again. The author, an American who works with disturbed children, is fairly well-known in France, but not in the USA. The narrator of this original and moving novel is treated by horrified adults as a disturbed child and subjected to psychiatric treatment, for reasons that he does not understand. (In fact, as it gradually becomes clear, the reason is an innocent sexual experience he has had with a little girl.) The author has written other books (which were published in France, but written in English).