When Homosexuality Hits Home: What to Do When a Loved One Says They're Gay

This book was the second I've read as a personal challenge to myself to view and understand different viewpoints on homosexuality. Being both an atheist and a homosexual myself, I was very surprised to find how much I loved this book. Of course, Joe Dallas starts the book off by explaining that it was meant to be read by someone who shared a conservative Christian viewpoint- thus preparing the reader for how the proceeding information would be presented. Just that bit made me respect him tremendously- instead of presenting these views as unerring fact, it is mentioned as part of a larger group of thought and belief. The rest of the book followed this example. He presents arguments about many things, including the debated origins of homosexual tendencies in a person, from a neutral point. He gives evidence for and against both sides, and to an extent leaves it open for discussion. I think that him personally confronting homosexuality makes him an excellent author about this subject- the chapter "A Mile in Their Shoes" just one (stunning) example of this. It was a very nice change to see someone respecting a gay person as a human first, rather than instantly the 'sinner' that must be saved. He writes wonderfully of the struggles a family (with these values and beliefs) go through when a child, spouse, or even other relatives come out to them. Each step in the process of grief is taken apart and discussed, and then comes the wide range of topics about how to do things from how to affirm your stance on homosexuality (without approving it or disrespecting theirs) to negotiating family boundaries at a family get-together with a gay loved one. Given my own personal beliefs, there were times I ground my teeth- but I feel these parts are of little importance to the impact of this book. I would greatly recommend it to anyone who doesn't approve of homosexuality, but wants to still feel open and loving towards a loved one- whether they be son, daughter, sister, uncle, husband, or wife- who comes to them and says "I'm gay". The message this book carries is to respect your own views and the views of others, without either of you being forced to accept a particular belief you do not want- something that is desperately needed in any controversial situation. There is definitely a special place on my bookshelf for this one!

I have found this book extremely helpful whilst loving my homosexual family member. I highly recommend it to those seriously wanting to preserve their relationship with a loved one who is gay/lesbian without compromising their christian faith.

Joe Dallas has walked the talk and knows the struggles of one who feels unchosen same sex attractions. He also knows that "gay" is an inaccurate label that certain elements of society want to plaster on anyone who experiences attractions to someone of the same gender. In this book he provides a rational and loving guide as to how a person with deeply held biblical beliefs can foster a compassionate, affectionate relationship with another who has labeled themselves gay or lesbian while not compromising their individual beliefs.It is God's job to open one's heart to the truth. We are just called to speak the truth in love and allow the master of the universe to do the rest.This book is a much needed word of counsel.

As a parent, I found this book to be extremely helpful. Mr. Dallas recognizes that each person will make their own decisions. We can't make decisions for them but we can control how we respond to them. The most meaningful line in the book for me is this: "You may never agree on this issue, but you are committed to not letting this disagreement ruin your relationship." This focused my attitude on what had to happen so that I could live in peace with my child. Mr. Dallas helped me see how I could continue to show love for my child without comprimising my values. I really liked the practcal advise in this book. There is a chapter on negotiating family boundries. He has some good suggestions for respecting everyones beliefs and comfort. I do not need to constantly tell my child my views on homosexuality; I have already told her. He also instructs us how to ask children about our fears for their lives as a homosexual person such as AIDS, drugs, and promiscuity. These things may or may not be a part of the person's life. It is ok to ask; your fears may be relieved. The book helped me feel more comfortable with asking questions about my child's life. The book also talks about the possible causes of homosexuality. Is it genetic or environmental? He takes a more balanced aproach to this than most of the information I have read. He basically says that it is likely a combination of both factors. I felt quite a bit of relief from reading this book. It is in line with my evangelical Christian belief system, but doesn't demand that I change my child. Mr. Dallas shows compassion for the gay person and his/her family members. This book is directed toward Chrisians with a literal interpretation of the Bible. If you are not in this catagory you may disagree with the book. If you are in pain, because homosexuality conflicts with your Biblical views, it mahy help.

I have really struggled with my thoughts and feelings about how to respond to a loved one who recently announced they were gay. I spent many hours considering how to engage in a way that was both loving and true to my own, strongly held, Christian beliefs. This book is a real gift for those of us who hear the words, "I'm gay." Joe Dallas is Biblically centered (I believe), sensitive, and steadfast. I found particularly helpful chapters that speak specifically to moms and dads, brothers and sisters, spouses, and extended families.