When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart: Letters to Hurting Wives

I began reading When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart in hopes of understanding the effects of sexual sin on the wife of someone who was involved in sexual sin. What I got was many hours of ministering to my heart. I am not the wife of one who struggles, but have been the man struggling with sexual sin. Kathy Gallagher has spent her life ministering to women who have been broken by their husband's sexual sin. She herself has also been through the ups and downs since her husband spent many years involved in sexual sin. She speaks from the position of someone who knows, but more importantly someone who has been healed by the great healer himself, Jesus Christ. The book is a collection of letters written in response to letters she had received. These letters touched on just about every subject related to sexual sin that I can imagine. Divorce, separation, dealing with suspicion, the importance of gratitude and the roots of homosexuality are among the subjects that she ministers to. I say ministers to because she does not simply relate some data about a specific subject, but she opens her heart and allows the Holy Spirit to speak through her to touch the hearts of her readers. Her writing style is inviting and familiar. It is almost as though she were sitting opposite me in a small sitting room and speaking to me. At times her letters were loving, understanding and encouraging. At other times they were confronting, direct and honest. She would confront the selfishness that was shown in the letter from Lauren who was trying to justify divorce because of her husband's use of pornography. Rather than agreeing with Lauren, Kathy Gallagher offered that God will use this time of suffering to purify her. The ultimate goal that God has in anything that we experience is to make us more and more like Jesus through the process. This was a major theme throughout the book. The struggles that we are going through will be used by God to make us more like His Son. Kathy does not use her own experience, but uses scripture and the leading of the Holy Spirit to respond to the writer's questions. In regards to confronting Joyce's husband Kathy sighted Matthew 18:15-17 as a guideline for how to confront him. First go to him alone, then bring one or two as witnesses then tell it to the church. The objective is to bring about an understanding about his sin. Help her husband to come to a point of honesty and repentance. This brings glory to God and brings everyone closer to the Lord. As she says, "Let's hope that your husband will WAKE UP out of the delusion that he can participate in such darkness and still think he's walking with the Lord." Restoration to a right relationship with the Lord should be our primary concern. I have come away with new insight into the collateral damage that is caused when a man engages in sexual sin. I have also gained more understanding of my own sin. I have also seen the Holy Spirit at work in her writing and in my reading of her letters. I a

This book is absolutely perfect for what I am going through. I have gained so much insight and have been repeatedly comforted through Kathy Gallagher's words to other women in (unfortunately) similar circumstances. To me, this book is worth it's weight in gold. Thank you for offering it at an affordable price. :-)

The reason for purchasing this book is obviously a heartbreaking one, but I found so much encouragement in its pages. This book really helped me begin to shift my focuss off myself and on to God. The author has been through what you may be going through and what I am facing and truly offers much hope.

As a wife of a porn addict, I didn't know that so many things were tied together... I thought his porn addiction was just one aspect of his life, I didn't know that being financially controlling, emotionally distant and cold, not having intimacy in or out of the bedroom, not socializing.... it was all related! This book helped me to go from feeling isolated and alone to realizing I'm not the only woman who is in this exact same spot! And best of all... there is help and there is hope! AND Kathy Gallagher helps you to stay focus on the Almighty Healer through it all. I highly reccomend this book to anyone hurting and searching for answers.

Unlike the previous reviewer, this was not a waste of money, and as far as Patrick Carnes is concerned, he has particular limitations, in that he doesn't focus on the spiritual applications. Kathy Gallagher has lived through her own husband's addiction for many years, and yes...she has compiled letters, but this is important, as it is an emotional look at a painful subject. She provides encouragement by providing practical and biblical answers based on real life testimonies, and she not only sympathizes with the emotional turmoil wives experience, but more importantly, she directs them to their only true source of hope - Jesus Christ. Read with an open heart and mind, and make up your own mind, not based on a biased and ill-informed perception of faith and the answers it provides. You make the decision!! The book comes highly recommended!!!