When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within

This book has totally changed me and I HIGHLY recommend it over any other anger book out there. There are SO many books on anger, but this is the ONLY one you'll need. What got me in the direction of this book is that I was having a (violent) anger problem that ended in me hitting my boyfriend. (Yes, I am a woman, and I have had a physical anger problem.) So I have been in some serious emotional turmoil. He could have called the police - but he didn't. That's when I realized I could have gone to jail because my anger had gone from yelling to basically brute force. That's where this book comes in. I picked it up after an anger management program counselor recommended it to me. What an unbelievably helpful book this is! Wow. I have to say even within the first 50 pages, this book literally changed the way I view my anger and how I deal with it/express it. A lot of anger is STRESS built up that people do not know what to do with. Also, a lot of anger gets expressed instead of hurt or some other emotion that people might be afraid of expressing because they think it will make them too vulnerable. This books explained a lot of this to me, and now I understand why I resort to getting angry instead of choosing to have honest, open, heart-to-heart communication. It teaches better/alternative communication skills. If I had learned this in my childhood then I probably would never have developed into the angry person that I had become. But it's never to late to learn. Turn your anger into an opportunity to become a better person that knows how to handle their emotions with maturity!

This book doesn't get 5 stars for literary merit, but for the simple,but shocking idea that anger is not real. As I understand what they say, anger is the label we learn to put on a host of other feelings(that we don't learn the names for, or how to talk about them or deal with them in any way but simmering,screaming, hitting,etc.)from the time we're born...then, watch out! Feelings of frustration, feeling treatened(two of many possibilities for us to express "anger")make us feel stressed, and we can only stand so much of that, so we do various,often anti-social,things to diminish the feeling. Even though, as the authors point out, we cannot feel guilty WHILE venting anger, afterwards we do, and a vicious circle is sustained as long as we don't go far enough into what we're feeling and thinking, we just react,either outwardly or mentally and keep attacking ourselves. For example, a frequent occurrance for me was wanting to smash into other drivers who came up behind me too fast on the street...after I read this book and relived that situation, it was clear that I felt my life was threatened by their behavior...clearly,getting irate in my car wasn't controlling their behavior,but it was harming me...now I can get out of their way and keep my cool and protect myself. This book will help anyone who'e tired of the same old knee-jerk reaction to things.Hopefully, we'll understand it and pass on the ability of decipher our feelings to our children! Ever see a baby crying really hard, after an injection or when they're really hungry, and hear an "adult" say,"Whoa, he's really angry!"? Not! Read this book if you have the courage to learn more, and understand that the people we learned from just didn't know.

This is a great book to read if you want to control your anger. It points out aspects of your life out that you never knew existed. The book is easy to follow, but if your can't admit that you have a problem in the first place, the book won't be of much help for you. And as far as skipping the book and heading towards a counselor as one of the reviewers mentioned, it starts with self awareness. In fact, I received this book from a counselor in the past and it has helped me tremendously. I have several books by this author and I think his material and instruction is straight to the point and very helpful. GOOD LUCK!

As a therapist, I recommend this book for people dealing with anger in my daily practice. It is easy to read, and people can really open the book anywhere and get useful information. I find anyone can benefit from this book,not just for anger issues, but is helpful for anyone wanting to improve their communication.

I am a therapist, and I do lots of one-on-one counseling with clients who have anger issues. I always recommend this book for "homework" in the first session. McKay presents the most important issues with clear instructions of what to do.