What Not to Name Your Baby

First and foremost, if you named your kid Tristen, just stop reading. That is easily one of the stupidest names on the planet, and if you don't agree then you simply will not understand this book. With that out of the way, this book is a necessity. It is as needed as a air and blood. With the ever-increasing population paired with the plummetting intelligence, our population is well on its way to Idiocracy. One of the most obvious signs of this impending demise is the number of crotch droppings who are given increasingly stupid names, and the mouth-breathing parents who breed (Why is it the complete morons who have the most children?). Ignore the books that provide a list of 100,000 names and the lame, archaic meanings. THIS is the definitive guide to ensuring your kid doesn't get tortured semi-regularly while growing up - for the name only, because raising a doofus is on you. As a general rule, this book instructs soon-to-be parents not to name their kids based on a set of guidelines. Several areas are discussed; for instance, don't name kids after cars, designer products, alcohol, and locations. This is obvious; and statistically, 95% of girls with names in these categories end up being strippers, prostitutes, or vagrants. These are facts, people. Additionally, naming your child after gangsters, outlaws, serial killers, and criminals is discouraged unless you'd like to find your head in a burlap sack as soon as your child can reach the designer, wooden knife holder on the countertop. There are better ways to experience your child's journey through adolescence than worrying about whether or not your precious little Ted Bundy can figure out the three-digit combination on your gun safe. Selecting an androgynous for your child is not something the writers of this fine book advise against. Saddling your kid with a Gale, Kelly, Kerry, Jodie, or Jamie is an almost guaranteed method of ensuring beatings, and selecting one of these names is ill-advised. You may as well put a sign that says, "Punch Me" on their back as you send them to school each day. There are several other handy guides and lists within the 100+ pages of this book (i.e. popular songs, infamous world leaders, naming for amusement). I read somewhere that scientists have proven naming your child Ursula increases the likelihood of childhood obesity, and superfulously adding a `y' to your kid's name or purposely misspelling it doesn't make the name unique; it makes the name, and you, stupid. It is my utmost wish future parents take the responsibility of naming their children seriously and avoid the pitfalls of the morons who get the name ideas from Entertainment Weekly and celebrity advice (Apple? Rumer? Phoenix Chi? Seriously?). Remember, Vanessa Diane Carrier sounds like a great name, but it doesn't take long for some enterprising smart alec with a quick wit to use the initials from the first two names to give your child a nickname, and nightmares for yea

Everyone has an opinion on baby names. This is a great shower gift for the parents-to-be to make them laugh! It was fun to just read through and compare the descriptions of names with people we actually knew! An enjoyable fun read.