What Is Marriage For?

The historical overview Graff provides covers not only the institution of marriage itself, but also the wide spectrum of gender roles that have been standard in past Western culture. (For example, the idea that the wife should stay at home didn't occur to anyone until Victorian times brought along industry and 14-hour factory jobs!) The author writes a fine history, quoting original sources and backing up her information, in a tone conversational and interesting enough for even a reader like myself, usually terrible at reading history books, to follow and enjoy. Her overview of polygamy is the only thing in this book that fails. The overview is brief, and the only examples given are the Mormons and the Oneida commune. I might opine that she neglected this area on purpose. Part of this book's thrust (perhaps ten percent of the text is focused on it) is providing factual support for the idea that marriage between two people of any gender is simply the next natural consequence of the changes in our society and economy. The critics of this idea often use the negative media image of polygamy to their credit. I'm guessing that she glanced over it in order to keep this argument at bay -- which is a pity, because the book could have been stronger with an actual refutation, citing historical and modern examples of polygamy in their societal context. But at least she is careful enough with her language that she does not tar all multi-person couples with the same brush. Aside from this qualm, I'm quite satisfied with the text as a whole, and would recommend it to anyone who wants a better understanding of marriage and gender roles throughout the ages in their economic and social context.

Like Graff, my daughter is a lesbian in a committed relationship, and it angers me that she is prohibited from marrying the person she loves. I was delighted to find this book exploring the changing purpose of marriage in the western world from Roman times to the present and read Graff's case that the battle over same-sex marriage is just the next iteration in a centuries-old line of views of what marriage is for.Graff never claims that her book is a balanced history; she lets readers know right up front that she is gay and that her purpose for doing all the research and writing was to present her argument that same-sex marriage should be legal. Anyone (like an earlier reviewer) who is surprised by that simply wasn't paying attention. Graff's writing is both informative and lively, with plenty of facts interspersed with anecdotes and human interest. I already agreed with her premise so I didn't need to be persuaded, but she makes her case so well that it's hard to see how anyone could read this book and still believe gay people should be denied the right to marry. Even for those who are already believe that, the book is well worth reading. Now I can back up my assertion that same-sex marriage should be legal with a persuasive argument based on historical fact: What conservatives call "traditional marriage" is actually less than 100 years old, and this is the logical next step in its evolution.This is an excellent book that belongs on the bookshelf of everyone who believes in human rights.

I expected this book to be kind of dry and boring, but it turned out to be absolutely fabulous. It is funny and eye-opening. I never knew just how much the family structure has changed over the course of human history. It was a bit shocking at times to see just how different "family values" used to be. (And how fortunate I am that marriage continues to evolve!)

This book is a wonderful read. It talks about the history of marriage in a way that is incredibly engaging, and also grounded in careful historical research. There is no other book which presents the history of marriage in the US and Europe in this way; most such books are quite dry but not this one. The author uses the wide variety of functions of marriage over the years to craft a persuasive argument in favor of allowing marriage by same-gender couples. But the book is much more than that! It discusses religion, economics, law, and a host of other social phenomena as they have related to marriage over the centuries, in a format that is brilliantly organized and eminently readable. This book makes a great wedding present or birthday present. It is timely and important. Marriage is the subject of much public policy discussion these days, and this book gives readers an informed, nuanced perspective on the institution. It is especially strong in pointing out the ways that what many of us think of as "traditional marriage" has changed over the years. The author shows, in her entertaining way, that many of the things we take for granted as part of "traditional" marriage (like Love, for example), actually are rather recent additions to the elements of marriage. I highly recommend this book.

As the debate over same-sex couples' freedom to marry rolls from state to state, much of the discussion is framed in terms of the "purpose" and "definition" of marriage. Opponents claim that legally recognizing same-sex couplehood will somehow change the definition of marriage, while proponents say that civil marriage (as opposed to religious concepts of marriage) merely reflects centuries of change.Lesbian-feminist author E.J. Graff tackles that issue head on in her new book, "What is Marriage For?: The Strange Social History of Our Most Intimate Institution," due for release in June by Beacon Press.Graff's book is a welcome addition to the debate, which, on the proponents' side, has been advanced almost wholly by men. The most public voice has been that of Andrew Sullivan, former editor of The New Republic. Sullivan certainly has his own appeal. He serves as an effective foil to social conservatives, because he can counter them in their own language. But the other voices --primarily constitutional attorneys and social critics -- have also been male.When I heard that Graff was writing a book, I was instinctively pleased that a woman's view was finally to be added to the conversation. My only exposure to Graff's work has been through her many fine op-ed pieces; I suspected that she'd do a reasonably good job. However, op-ed writing is a specialized craft, keyed to the pithy observation, made in 500 words or fewer. Thus, I wasn't prepared for the depth of scholarship that Graff deftly wields in this book. Nor was I prepared for her skilled interweave of the personal, the wry, and the scholarly. This book seems to flow directly from Graff's regard for her partner, Madeline, with attendant curiosity about the "fit" of her relationship in today's society. It's unusual to find a book of this seriousness that so explicitly celebrates the challenges, the joys, and the hard work of couplehood. As such, this book should serve as an important touchpoint, and not only for participants in the debate over legally recognized same-sex marriages. Graff's book illustrates an important point: Much of the most incisive writing about marriage and couplehood is coming from gay and lesbian writers, who are adding much-needed clarity. One of the greatest ironies of the late 20th Century is that gay people are often the most impassioned advocates for committed couplehood.E. J. Graff is one such voice.Graff traces the history of marriage from the Old Testament Hebrews, to 19th Century Utopians, through to today. Though some critics may take fault with specific historical interpretations made by the author, the broader sweep of her inquiry will be much harder to challenge. Her conclusion is clear: marriage is a complex, shifting institution that has always reflected local understandings about things like money, sex, babies, kin, order, and, in Graff's final chapter, "heart." Most tellingly, Graff finds that shifts in perceptions abou