What I Thought I Knew: A Memoir

In Jewish folklore, declaring your good fortune aloud arouses envy and tempts the Evil eye. Alice Cohen opens her life to us in this book and how she coped, what she thought, how she acted and how she came to grips with the problems that seemed to overwhelm her. Alice Cohen was happy finally, after infertility, an adoption, divorce, and now she met a man who filled her with happiness. Was she tempting fate? That is the question, and we hope to find the answer. Alice had been having such a good year and then small quirky health problems seemed to invade her life. She saw multiple physicians and the answer was 'we don't know' but it could be the hormones you are taking. Six months into this, after multiple exams, x-rays, scans, medications and untold specialists, Alice is told that she is pregnant, six months pregnant to be exact. No prenatal care and all those exams and tests. What about her baby, would she keep it, should she keep it, did she want to keep it, so many questions. Her fiancee, Michael, was shocked but happy. Her daughter, Julia was happy, so then what was wrong? Alice divulges, in detail, the ups and downs about the decisions she makes. She has a family now and friends and and social workers and physicians and students and all of them have their own point of view. What to do and how to do it. The hundred thousand dollar question. Alice brings us on her ride, and her exquisite way with words, tempts all of us. This book is a quick read and can be read in one setting. You get the feel for Alice and her thoughts and her fears. This is an exquisite peek into a life, and it is a good ride. Enjoy! Highly Recommended. prisrob 12-12-09

Having been told that she was infertile, Alice Eve Cohen and her first husband, Brad, adopt an adorable little girl named Julia. Alice and Brad divorce after thirteen years of marriage. Later, Alice falls in love with thirty-four year old Michael who, she says, is "smart, funny, cynical, [and] affectionate." This is not, at first glance, a match made in heaven. Michael is ten years Alice's junior. Besides the age difference, Michael is Lutheran and Alice is Jewish. He is almost penniless and does not care about material possessions, while Alice worries about paying her bills on time. Michael is a writer and performer who creates theater for poor kids; the little money he earns comes from occasional corporate work. On the plus side, Michael is great with kids and he bonds with five-year old Julia instantly. In 1999, Alice is completing her MFA in writing at the New School in Manhattan where she plans to teach. Michael has proposed and she has accepted. Unfortunately, her good fortune is tainted when she experiences strange symptoms ("insomnia, mood swings, sore breasts, low energy") and feels a growth in her abdominal area. Could she possibly have a tumor? Much to her shock, Alice learns that, against all odds, she is six months pregnant. This news does not fill her with joy. She was a DES daughter who has a small and deformed uterus and she has been pumped full of synthetic hormones for the past fourteen years. Alice fears that any baby she is carrying will likely have severe disabilities and she is not prepared to raise a special child. "What I Thought I Knew" is the true story of Cohen's agonizing emotional ups and downs as she and Michael argue bitterly about what to do next. Like Michael, Alice Eve Cohen writes and performs solo plays for both adults and children. Instead of using conventional chapter breaks, she divides her book into acts and scenes. Cohen is a candid, fluid, and concise writer whose flair for the dramatic and biting humor bring this expressive and poignant memoir to life. The author is understandably furious at her doctors who were guilty of negligence, if not outright malpractice, and she quickly learns that navigating the health insurance maze can be a nightmare in itself. In addition, Alice is incensed with herself for falling apart psychologically. "What I Thought I Knew" is a painful journey of the mind, heart, and soul. It is also a testament to the ways in which love and faith can help families overcome even the most formidable obstacles.

Deeply personal, this is a courageous telling of a most harrowing story. This would be a difficult book to digest, but Cohen finds humor in the most unusual circumstances and keeps buoyancy throughout. I read this book on a plane flying from coast to coast and I refused to put it down until I finished it. I don't highly recommend things often, but this is definitely a must-read.

What a fabulous book. It was so well written! Alice was so brave to re-live everything she went through in order to share her experience with us. I would love to read a follow up, part 2 in about fifteen years. As a DES Daughter, and never blessed with children, I can share in the fact that it would have been wonderful at thirty to find out I was pregnant. At forty-five and six months pregnant, not so much.

Alice Eve Cohen draws on her skills as a one-woman show performer and storyteller to write a harrowing, moving, searingly honest memoir about the chaos that took over her settled life at age 44 when, after experiencing health problems and told she was menopausal and infertile, she discovered that she was actually six months pregnant. I do not want to reveal too much about what happens next, because a reader should experience the story unfolding page by page, as Alice is told new "certainties" that are dashed again and again. "What I Thought I Knew" is the perfect title for this memoir, and Alice writes out ever-evolving lists of her own feelings, what her doctors have told her about her condition, and her baby's prognosis. Nothing goes as planned, and Alice suffers ambivalence, guilt, and crippling depression. As a memoirist, Cohen shares her feelings with spare, unadorned honesty. Can she survive this experience? Can she be a mother to this child? What makes a mother? A good mother? She explores these questions directly, in simple, often poetic prose. I am not usually a huge fan of memoir and what is being called "confessional journalism," but Cohen breaks through any reservations I have about personal narrative. Once I started, I didn't want to put the book down, so I read it in one evening. What differentiates Cohen's writing for me is that she does not use distancing techniques of irony or snark. She is incredibly straightforward and pulls us into her experience, sharing her most intimate experiences in a way that illuminates the choice to enter motherhood, along with family dynamics, depression, the fallibility of the medical system, the value of community and professional support, and ultimately, the mystery of grace.