Watching Sex: How Men Really Respond to Pornography

I bought this book because a website recommended it - I found it on a search for pornography and masturbation addictions in trying to understand my man, in how I could be a part of his private life. This is a book about the justification of using pornorgraphy and excessive masturbation. The examples come from addicted individuals. If you are a woman and want to understand what your guy, who seems addicted to porn, will really turn out like if you never came home, read this. No deatails, no reasons why, just simple, basic, man behavior. I had to throw it away before finishing it, because I decided that was not what I wanted in a partner. I am in the process of selling my house and getting out now.

Pornography is little more than the opportunity to get in touch with the need to rebel in society for men who experience the many stresses and angers which build up in a week, a month, a day. The ability to project those feelings into the air by acknowledging them sujects women to the unfortunate position of being the objects onto which those aggressions are played out - either actually or in the mind. It is the flaw of modern society that offers its women as the mental punching bags of men with the need to acknowledge and express their angry lack of control over life, but has served the purpose for many years. Through objective superiority of indulging themselves with that taboo, what is created is the disassociation of the ability to love women or to respect them, a devastating effect in terms of human relations, but one that is all too common, and appears in many different formats. If it was still possible for men to react to each other in safety as they traditionally have, by beating each other up when they were angry, it's possible they would not be steered to force that aggression upon women instead (or children). Unfortunately, society has found the only possible niche that too often works - the private, and ultimately, blameless setting for such aggressive expression - their own houses, and upon their own families. Freedom of expression never had it so bad. To avoid conflict at work, it's shoved into the private forums of millions, and without the advantage of socially acceptable outlets to release that tension, either on farms or in free health clubs. The tension finds its own level upon those for whom resistance is impossible, and in whom the cowardice is safely kept, at home and out of the public eye. The reason women do not leave is that by offering men no other forum in which to display the aggressions they feel, society is comfortable keeping it out of sight, as well as out of mind, and singularly within the potential problem solving design of the females who must care for them - their own bed, so to speak. Efficiency-wise, it has always worked, and for most, the solution is simple, "if it ain't broke, why fix it?" This, of course, ignores the reality of what most know, and others suspect. Keeping it under the covers works best, and with no easy or cost-less solutions, it's every man or woman for himself. That is the mindset, and has always been. Domestic violence has been a "given" because of that for far too long, and offering the weak and measly option of pornography to help objectify the process, the cultivation of male superiority is given its greatest outlet, and its most loyal advocate. For women, that is the problem with pornography. It isn't about love, or sex, but about male supremacy - in its most disgusting form - in the nude. It flaunts it, without embarrassment or guilt, and certainly without honor.

This isn't a rigorous, statistical study - nor does it claim to be some lofty, definitive analysis of How Pornography Affects Men. This is an anecdotal collection drawn from a survey of international volunteers who range in age, sexual orientation, and ethnicity. They likewise vary in their opinions on pornography - some feel it should be banned, others feel it should be freely available, and most fall soundly in between.The hardline, porn-is-evil argument has always struck me as too dogmatic to be persuasive. The allegedly damaging result of pornography use makes for sexy headlines in the press, and a number of figures have made careers out of it, but the vitriolic, black/white portrayal of porn as a force of evil, capable of turning decent folk into brutes who will leave a wake of innocent victims behind them... well, I cherish a deep suspicion of extremists and the "truths" they hold dear. We live in a world that is painted in shades of grey, and that's what is presented here. We meet Henry, a likely victim of abuse as a very young child; his anti-porn views are presented with the respect and consideration that would not be possible if this were a pro-porn polemic. Gerald's doctor has "prescribed" pornography/erotica as therapy following a devastating spinal injury. There are men whose partners loathe porn, others who tolerate it, and couples who enjoy it together. Most have mainstream tastes, but more kinky interests are represented as part of the overall spectrum. There are recurring themes of guilt, shame, concealment - and of pleasure, admiration, and learning.Those holding firm opinions at the extreme ends of the spectrum will find support for their views here (and ignore the rest). But it would be far more enlightening for those in the vast middleground, who may be more likely to take it at face value as a window into how some fairly representative men view and use pornography. Loftus also examines some common anti-porn arguments that have entered the cultural mythos, and the statistics often used to back them up. True Believers may reject the book entirely because of these two chapters, but others will find much food for thought. This book is not a rah-rah argument in favor of porn in every shop and movie theater. It's a chance to broaden your perspective, whichever way you lean on the issue.

Looking to shed a few tired, useless notions you probably never believed or wanted in the first place but were bound to accept because of the prevailing zeitgeist? David Loftus's fine non-fiction book "Watching Sex" can have the desired effect, especially if you are a man who has felt especially put upon by the autocratic statements of feminists out to rid the world of pornography. The feminists never believed males on this issue and they weren't inclined to listen to males at all but Loftus has gone out and tried to rally the troops by doing something smart but simple: he asked 150 men about their first exposure to pornography, how they really feel about it, how they really use it and what they really hope it will be and then he listened and he believed what he was told. Then he reports to us, letting his males speak for themselves by quoting them at length. The resulting book is a most interesting, stimulating read; one is bound to establish ongoing dialogues with the various honest and forthright voices in the book. The book's strength is that it brings together so many men willing and able to relate their various experiences and opinions. The bunch of guys Loftus has talked to may not represent the full breadth of manhood but the thing that the book demonstrates to me is that all men are not cut from a single sexual psychic mold when it comes to the influence of pornographic materials. Certainly not all men react as anti-porn feminists would have us believe; there is a far greater variety of response, a much clearer, more perceptive vision of porn, its significance and failures, its distance from reality. Few see it as a blueprint for action, and certainly not violence. After reading this book, hearing its testimony, (and, admittedly with a male bias of my own) let me offer a counter-notion. One of the recurrent points expressed in the book is that males are driven to porn and erotica by an unquenchable appreciation for feminine beauty. They also indicate an almost universal disdain for the emphasis porn places on the physical mechanics and performance of sex; they don't care much for the males in these things either. All of this suggests to me that these males have a deep-seated wish to concentrate their attention on the females. Why? In order to better comprehend this mystery that is woman. We males have been perplexed and challenged by this enigma all along and we've been trying to puzzle it out through a close study of the only true resources we have at hand. Maybe in the distilled versions of womanhood featured in porn, imperfect visions but concentrated in mega-doses, we may find a clue, the key to a clearer understanding of these intense yet distracted, mystifying, maddening, eternally alluring, wonderful creatures who are as lost as we are yet seem to have it all together. Aye, and maybe we hope that by this approach we can understand our own obsession with them as well. Can we at least try?