Waiting to Forget: A Memoir

First, let me say I have no hidden agenda in reviewing this book. I am not adopted, have not adopted nor am I a birth mother. I'm simply someone who likes to read non fiction. I also had some interest in reading this as one of my best friends adopted a baby 19 years ago and that child has reunited with her birthmother recently with seemingly little problems for all involved. I also had worked in a psychiatric hospital in the 80's and found that a disproportionate number of juveniles on the wards were adopted and I've always wondered why exactly that was.This book answered some questions about that and opened my eyes to other things as well. By the end of the book, I was questioning who really benefits from adoption besides the adoptive parents. While I hate to see the "explosion" of teens having kids these days, I don't know anymore if it's always such a bad thing that they are keeping their kids. I've always felt that life must start out an uphill battle for adoptees knowing that they were rejected by their natural parents (often in all good intentions.) I also found it interesting that when she went to meetings with adoptees she saw that they had no idea how much pain the birth parents went through and continued to go through. I liked Margaret's writing style, I like that she did not expose her son. I'm glad things turned out like they did for her. What a terrible decision she was faced with in 1965. (keep in mind, this was before Roe vs. Wade).

Author Moorman obviously wrote her story the way she experienced it--not the way others believe she "should have" experienced it. One has to admire this kind of independence. It is sad that one or two birthmothers have "trashed" her work out of jealousy or spite. Birthmothers have all experienced the same pain of loss and should join together--not [belittle] those who give voice to dissimilar opinions. This book is excellent reading for someone just beginning to search. But, the searcher should read a variety of books! There are many experiences and many opinions; they all should be examined and weighed.

As a newly reunited birthmother, this book was recommended to me by my birth son. I cannot say how many tears I shed as I read Margaret Moorman's story. It could easily have been my own. How many poignant memoirs like this will it take to bring us all out of the closet? Moorman's emotions run the gamut of a typical birthmother in that era. As it was described to me, adoption then was totally 'barbaric'. Proof of this is the now generation of adoptees searching for their roots. Wonderful book and definitely recommended reading for anyone in the 'adoption triad'.

I am a 54 year old birth mother who surrendered a daughter in 1969 and was recently reunited with her. I found this book fascinating but often had the urge to tell Ms. Moorman to wake up. In many ways, she never "got it", namely that she, as well as the rest of us birth parents, was manipulated and exploited by a system that found it good business to procure babies to infertile couples who seemed to believe that they were entitled to a baby whether or not nature intended to cooperate. To the end, she continues to feel unentitled to her own child. To witness, the sickening ending where she expressed such delirious happiness at getting one lone letter from her son declining contact. This is satisfaction? Give me a break! Exactly what did she believe she had accomplished ? She still did not know her son's name or whereabouts and he did not want to meet her ! Hardly a cause for celebration. One particular passage caused me great satisfaction however. This is where she recounts having been asked by someone if she had ever given any thought to the plight of adoptive parents who wanted so much to have a child. She stated that this is no reason to appropriate someone else's child. As a parallel, would it occur to anyone to ask a married woman if she ever gave any thought to the plight of the single women who would love to find a husband? No. And to paraphrase Ms. Moorman, even if I had no husband and wanted to get one, it would never occur to me to take yours even if I was told that I was welcomed to do so. To the end, Ms. Moorman does not realize that it is HER child, not the adoptive parents' child. The adoptive parents may have taken in the child and raised and nurtured it, they may love the child and the child may love them in return, but it is NOT their child. That is the very simple bottom line of this matter. Unfortunately Ms. Moorman has missed the point and still comes across as the unassertive and docile teenager she once was. She has stopped short of true consciousness.

I am a birthmother, and if I didn't know better, I would have sworn I had written this book. I have always wanted to write my memoirs, but after reading this I feel as if most of what I'd have to say would be totally redundant. The author has some very important things to say. Birthparents will find solace that they are not the only ones to feel the way that they do. Prospective birthparents will get a real flavor for what adoption can do to a person. And adoptive parents and adoptees will all find excellent insight into the issues that birthmothers and birthfathers must face every day.