Undercurrents: A Therapist's Reckoning with Her Own Depression

I have suffered from a mental disorder all my life, and the severity has increased over the years. Although the doctors are having a hard time determining what I am suffering from (depression, bipolar, borderline personality) this book spoke to me. Reading through tears while nodding my head, this author has experienced so much that I have, as well as many others. Knowing that she is a woman whose chosen career would send her patients like me was comforting. This book gives me hope that with a great support system, happiness and stability is obtainable. After a long time of feeling out of place or strange I am put as ease and feel human again after reading her story. Anyone who suffers from or has a loved one who is suffering from a mental disorder should read this book.

To say this book saved my life may sound melodramatic, but is true nonetheless. I read this book soon after college, while in the throes of what was not my first episode of depression. Doctors had been recommending ECT for years, but I was scared to death of it, mostly because of the potential for memory loss. Since Manning is a therapist and obviously very educated, learning that she was able to resume her life without significant adverse effects was incredibly reassuring. Doctors always say "I'd recommend ECT to my mother if she were as depressed as you are." In Manning I found a mental health professional who not only would recommend it to her mother but would actually put herself through it, something I had previously been unable to believe about the doctors I had spoken with.In 1999, several years after reading "Undercurrents" for the first time, I experienced my worst depression yet. Re-reading this book helped me find the courage to try ECT, and I have been depression-free ever since. After 20 years of fighting off the beast, I had finally won and I felt I owed a considerable amount of my success to Manning.During one of my hospitalizations, I loaned this book to my mom. Manning describes what depression feels like in a way that I had previously been unable to and I felt her book would help my mom understand why I had attempted suicide so many times in the past. She did find it enlightening; although it made her sad to finally realize how I had been feeling, it did give her more clarity on the overwhelming helplessness associated with depression.Unfortunately, Ms Manning has not had the luck with ECT that I have. I had the opportunity to meet her at a book signing for another book to which she had contributed. I was so excited I was going to be able to thank her in person!!! Many other people showed up at the reading to ask her about "Undercurrents" as well; it was clear this book had a great impact on the people in attendance. While answering their questions, Manning revealed that ECT was not a cure-all for her. She has had to undergo subsequent treatments which have been less successful than the initial treatment she wrote about. In fact, at the time she was in the midst of another depressive episode, albeit a relatively mild one. As a result, she was less than gracious when people asked her to sign copies of "Undercurrents" that night.

I read this book in one day.. an easy read, very articulate, touching.. it made me cry.. I learned about depression.. I love reading it.. and felt bad that it had to end!

As a licensed mental health counsleor, I have recommended this book to clients, students (I also teach) and friends who wanted a "real life" experience of depression. Although Ms. Manning ultimately needs a treatment that is rarely used (electro-shock therapy) it is her description of depression, and its debilitating effects, that have helped so many to understand this ILLNESS. I highly recommend this readable and informative book.

Martha Mannings book "Undercurrents" was a tremendousencouragement to me when I was desperate. I have suffered severechronic Double Depression for 15 years. I had just finished almost three years in psychotherapy, which left me more depressed to the point of being suicidal before reading Ms Mannings' book. Ms. Mannings is a brave person to go against what appears to be the psychologist's way of thinking about Depression and admits the need for medications. The following are some quotes from the book "undercurrents" - these quotes put into words the thoughts that wander through my mind but I do not have the talent to put into words: "I'm getting less good at faking it. People in my family are noticing and asking what's wrong. My friends give me invitations to talk, to cry, to love them for their caring, but I want to run from it. I have lost their language, their facility with words that convey feelings. I am in new territory and feel like a foreigner in theirs." "In the psychological literature, depression is often seen as a defense against sadness. But I'll take sadness any day. There is no contest. Sadness carries identification. You know where it's been and you know where it's headed. Depression carries no papers. It enters your country unannounced and uninvited. Its origins are unknown, but its destination always dead-ends in you.""We spend a long weekend with my family at the beach. I've had better times at the dentist. I should come with a consumer warning, like the labels that say 'Handle with care' or 'May be hazardous to your health.' I am unfit for human consumption. I struggle to articulate how awful and isolating this feels, but I can't find the words.." In a difficult discussion with her husband she says: "What do you want me to do, Brian? I take my medicine. I go to therapy. I say my prayers. Tell me what you want me to do. Please. Because right now it takes all I have just to breathe and move and be" Her husband answers: " I know it, Marth, and it's breaking my heart." "I look at other people and think, 'He lives without meds. She does. What is wrong with me? Am I so biochemically screwed up, so neurotic, so narcissistically self absorbed that every hour is an obstacle course for me?' And the last quote is the summation of it all. It sums up my overall feelings and no one could say it in any better words. Ms Mannings is able to get inside the Depressives mind as she certainly does mine -: "I don't know, but this can't continue. I feel like I am dying. A slow torturous death. And the worst thing is that I'm taking other people along for the ride. But I swear, I don't know how to do it differently."