Uncle Mike's Guide to the Real Oregon Coast

I've lived in Oregon for over 20 years, and this is the first book that tells the frightening truth about the Oregon coast. Forget those posters and coffee table books showing beautiful coastlines and majestic cliffs bathed in sunshine--as Uncle Mike explains, these pictures were actually taken "during a break between storm fronts that occurs once or twice a decade and can last as long as a week." As for the inhabitants, "the culture that endures today, while of morbid interest to anthropologists, isn't for the squeamish." The wildlife is not much better. Uncle Mike points out that there are many sharks on the Oregon coast--and that there are no happy sharks, only hungry ones. A giant octopus can "snatch you and your toy poodle from the rocks with the lightning ease of a frog catching flies." An elk is "basically a deer on steroids," and a sasquatch is a "nearly nonexistent" monster that "hunts down humans for sport." You get the idea: from tsunamis to seagulls to ceaseless rain, the Oregon Coast is a scary place to be. Of course, it may be that Uncle Mike is only joking. It may be that the Oregon Coast is really a bright, beautiful place with cheerful inhabitants and friendly critters. On the other hand, it might be true that Oregon coast crabs "move quickly, are quiet as ghosts, and work well in groups." You do the math. If you enjoy Uncle Mike's sardonic sense of humor, consider getting "Uncle Mike's Guide to Sex and Drinking" (hard to find) and the two volumes of "Letters to Uncle Mike." Come what may, the Oregon Coast will never be the same.

If you have never lived on the Oregon Coast, but are planning a visit, you need this book immediately. If, like me, you spent many childhood years on the Oregon coast, freezing and miserable, and you wish that someone would finally reveal that it is a perfect place to stock with polar bears and penguins, and that the beaches of Oregon are ideal for hardcore fanatic beach-lovers who enjoy sandblaster wind in the face and water so cold that it invites damnation, you must get multiple copies of this book and start handing it out to anyone who thinks Oregon beaches are the northern version of California beaches.

I bought this book because it's by one of my favorite authors, and was not disappointed. Uncle Mike is a talented author. I grew up in Oregon, and all my "beach" experience revolved around the Pacific Ocean--on or near Cannon Beach. My friend grew up in both California and Oregon, and defines Oregon as a coast, which you "look at it from the warm car while you drive by to a real beach (in California)." As I can't stand California beaches, and think cold and gray is a perfect way to see the ocean, we frequently debate the points of our favorite locales. Based on my background, I wholeheartedly support Uncle Mike's portrayal of the sea monster, sea gulls, and other fine folk of the coast. I enjoy reading it to my friend, who morosely insists that it's funny because it's TRUE. (Apparently she's one of those that should have read the book before venturing out barefoot onto the sand as a child.) The artwood is phenomenal, and Uncle Mike's commentary is first hilarious. If you've never experienced the Oregon Coast, read this book and be warned!

I lived on the Oregon Coast for almost two years. A friend gave this to me as a going-away present and it was the perfect gift. This book sums up all the reasons you wouldn't want to visit Oregon like sea-monsters, clever sea gulls, devious ravens, and, of course, the weather. All in a dark tone that perfectly matches my memories of the dark skies, and yet side-splitting funny. A great gift for an Oregon Coast dweller.

I originally bought this book based on its front cover. Once inside, I discovered a comedic gem. I read this as we were driving and we almost ran off the road because we were laughing so hard. I grew up 50 miles from the Oregon coast and know of what the author speaks. The illustrations are some of the most disturbing I have ever seen and just add to the tone of the book. Anyone living at or traveling to the Oregon coast or just interested in a downright funny book should read this.