Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age

The book is excellent!! Nice balance of case study examples, narrative and author's own personal struggle to balance his own parenting ways. It is one of the best books written on parenting for today's parents. I know that I have been over indulgent with my 4 year old daughter, but, the author gives me concrete information that is not judgemental. He gives the plain and simple facts backed up by his research as to why over indulging and not setting limits can backfire!!! I highly recommend this book without reservation!!!

According to child development expert Dan Kindlon, the answer is no, but the answer is not as simple as it looks. What if the shoes are forgotten two hours away? Do you drive back and get them? Bother someone else to bring or send them to you? What if they are needed for her activities the next day? Do you borrow some? Make her wear less than ideal footwear until you have time to go back to pick them up? Wouldn't buying a new pair of cheapo sneakers actually be the least costly thing to do? Will she always expect you to fix things for her when she makes a mistake? These questions all flashed through Dr. Kindlon's mind as he struggled with the case of his eight-year-old daughter Julia's forgotten sneakers, but he hunkered down and did what he thought was the right thing--made her wear hiking boots to camp until an appropriate time came for the family to help her retrieve them. Throughout his beautifully researched and thoughtfully-written volume on the issues of raising children today, Kindlon reveals his keen intelligence and kind heart as he discusses the potential long-term consequences of daily life decisions. His on-the-mark examples show that he is in-synch with the situations of today's families, and his experience and knowledge make him a fine guide as he plays out archetypal domestic scenarios to their logical conclusions. His advice is sage, pithy and practical, but never pedantic. He reads like Billy Crystal with a PhD in parenting.Kindlon, the co-author (with Michael Thompson) of the poignant Raising Cain--which deals with the issues of raising young men in a culture that celebrates a certain image of the cool, unfeeling, in-control male--certainly knows the daily grind of sandwich-making and car-pool driving. It is clear that he respects the time, effort and patience that go into it, as well as parents' desire to do the right thing. He believes that parents want to raise respectful, considerate, independent adults and want to do everything they can to avoid the pitfalls of drug and alcohol abuse and other destructive behaviors. Through his research (for most of his career he has worked at Harvard University on important data-gathering projects), he has refined some provocative and compelling ideas regarding cause and effect in child development. While not claiming to be the only one to discover the premises elucidated in Too Much of a Good Thing, Kindlon has the experience, wisdom and communication skills to turn the latest developments in psychological and brain research into a persuasive piece of encouragement for parents. He urges us all, and counsels himself, to be consistent, reasonable and purposeful in our actions.We are all tempted to make life easier for our children, but Kindlon demonstrates that we are really doing them a disservice by interfering with the natural order of things. By overcoming adversity and solving problems themselves, kids build self-esteem and confidence, and are "innoculated" so that when t

Too Much of a Good Thing is a reality check for today's parents. It is based on the assumption that, as an overriding goal, parents want their child to mature into a happy adult. Building on this assumption it defines, in general terms, the attitude of "baby boomer" parenting and how it is associated with children's emotional and behavioral development. The book is based on the findings of the Parenting Practices of the Millennium, research compiled from middle to upper income families. This research was amassed from questionnaires involving over 650 teenagers and 1050 parents nationwide plus 50 personal interviews (several are included as references in the text) and combined with over twenty years of clinical psychological practice and personal experience. Simply stated, Too Much delves into the question: What parenting practices enhance habits of character?People who have character are described as those who know who they are, they are centered, and they have the courage to be honest with themselves and others. Overtly they are charitable, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent. Kindlon examines how America's affluence has impacted the habits of life that shape our behavior. In a society that often appears focused on achievement and success in place of the development of a disciplined inner life, this book influences parents to think in terms of social consciousness. The book is divided into three parts. The first describes this current age of indulgence analyzing the attitudes of parenting today and the psychological toolbox needed by children to cope in our world. The second part is the patterns of behavior exhibited by indulgence that are listed as the seven deadly syndromes: self-centeredness, anger, driven quality, not motivated, eating disorders, self-control problems, and spoiled behaviors. These syndromes are described in terms of manifestations and draw on the stories from different perspectives: children, parents, teachers, principals, and counselors that serves to give each syndrome multiple perspectives. The last section of this book is advice to parents that cites research findings. How can we reach our goal of raising children to be happy? Some of the multifaceted indications of happiness in this exploration include being absorbed in meaningful activity, the pursuit of non-materialistic incentives, self-efficacy, self-esteem tied to a sense of personal control, and competence. Clear, achievable ideas are given as well as information on the dilemmas of parenting teenagers. This is a book that will make you think about what you really value as a parent, help you define your goals as connected to your actions, and perhaps, jolt you out of a false sense of complacency related to affluence today.

I've been telling my friends about this book -- and here's what I say: For those of us fortunate enough to be able to give our children a lot of advantages, this book reminds us that our job as parents is not to be indulgent, but rather to set and enforce limits so that our children can develop their own sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Not exactly rocket-science, but a good and timely reminder. Dr. Kindlon urges parents to use TLC -- Time, Limits and Caring -- as the means for our children grow to be the independent adults they will need to be. His discussion of the politics surrounding college placement were very revealing to me. Some parents have the expectation that their child is destined for Harvard which is, very likely, setting that child up for failure. The big plus in this book is that much of it is drawn from statistical research, so Dr. Kindlon backs up his assertions on "indulgent parenting" with reasonable science. I really appreciated this book, and hope you do, too.