Too Good For Her Own Good

Great book! Was emotionally hard for me. I know I have been abused and couldn't figure out why I allowed it especially for so long. This book really helped me. Here is one of my favorite quotes from this book. I can't begin to put all of them: - Dysfunctional families teach by shaming. A dysfunctional family, loosely defined, is one that's dominated by conflict and anxiety. Family members don't get their basic needs met, and they find themselves doing whatever they have to do to survive. There's little time or energy available in such a family to respond to or to value people's feelings. People don't feel safe or secure. Such an unsafe environment sets the stage for or maintains serious problems like addiction and abuse. Someone who grows up in a dysfunctional family develops a shame bound identity. In other words, people whose families ignore their developmental needs and who are repeatedly shamed for those needs end up feeling bad about who they are. Pg. 44 Some other books I also recommend: -10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing -Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft -The Verbally abusive relationship By Patricia Evans -Not to People Like Us By Susan Weitzman -The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner -Codependent No More by Melody Beattie -Love Honor and Negotiate By Betty Carter -Boundaries in Marriage by John Townsend and Henry Cloud -When Love Goes Wrong : What to Do When You can't do anything right by Susan Schechter and Ann Jones

I wish I had read this book years ago. It is a must read for every woman going through divorce, child rearing, or troubled interpersonal relationships. For centuries women have been told how to behave and what their roles should be in the family and society. Seldom have we been taught how to acheive what is good for ourselves or the importance of personal happiness. As women we have been told since we were children that as long as everyone is satisfied we will be satisfied. Then we are mystified as adults when we constantly give but the satisfaction never comes. This book explains why and how to stop the cycle. If you have a little girl in your house, read it now and teach her how to still give without deteriment to her own dreams, needs and wishes. You are never too old to learn!

Ms. Bepko finally answers the question of why I keep trying harder only to be less satisfied with the result! A must-read for women [and men?] who feel overwhelmed and under-appreciated. I've already given away the first copy I bought, because that reader also felt it helped answer a lot of 'why's about frustration and guilt.The authors promise no easy fixes, no magic wand. But by explaining the burden under which many women labor in trying to keep everything balanced, they help us understand why we feel the way we do. With understanding comes choice - and the reader can choose how to implement this new understanding into everyday life.Read it soon! It may change your life! This book is making a major contribution to my own recovery from clinical depression.

Reading this book changed my life. At a time when I felt unable to free myself from an abusive relationship, my therapist loaned me this book. Reading it made me see, and eventually realize in my heart, that I am not doing anyone any favors by doing too much for them. The applications of this book range from co-dependency and abusive relationships, to simply feeling unable to say no, to drug and alcohol addiction issues. With the help of this book, I realized that I could not rescue my abusive partner from himself. I then felt relieved of a tremendous burden which allowed me to move on with my life. If you desire this sort of revelation in your own life, read this book.

If you have lost yourself in a relationship or are always doing for others and not yourself, then this book is for you. The author uses examples and specific cases to help the reader pinpoint relationship problems. Most importantly, after you have identified the problem, the author offers life changing information to help the reader to come to resolve. It is the best gift I have given myself. In fact ,I bought several copies for my friends.

As a man searching to find reasons why a wonderful marriage would end so suddenly, I've read my share of books. This book provides a clear explanation of why these wonderful women, that we men love so much, can just up and leave out of the blue. I'm so thankful to Bepko and Krestan for laying it out so well. And I can use the information to help understand women better and their Code of Goodness burden.