Toddler Taming: A Survival Guide for Parents

We bought this book years ago, when our boys were very small (they are now 16 and 17). My wife also went to a presentation by Dr. Green in Australia. The negative reviews have focused on the unacceptability of corporal punishment, etc. (comments that basically say: As soon as I saw that, I switched off my critical faculties...). This isn't the key issue in Dr. Green's book. The key issue is: In any parent/child relationship, by definition one person is the child, the other is the parent. The parent MUST be a parent, which means be in charge, be responsible, make decisions for every one involved. Children, especially toddlers, are in no position to make decisions in complex things, so you can allow them input, etc., but while they may get a vote, only one vote counts: the parental vote. The second important point is that growing children, at any age, but especially toddlers, need boundaries. They have no in-built socially-developed limits to their behavior and toddlers are notoriously self-centered. Long-term studies show that children with reasonable boundaries do far better in life than those who set their own, i.e., in most cases have none. Setting boundaries and enforcing them is the parents' responsibility and duty. If you don't enforce them, then they don't exist, as far as the child is concerned. Perhaps a way to describe this is that you as the parent are in charge of the situation. You set the boundaries to the child's behavior. Within those boundaries, the child can assume control over their life, to such a degree as is appropriate for their development, etc. (as decided by the parent and child together). ("You can have your choice of .... for lunch." " Which game would you like to play?") This empowers the child to the degree they need or can handle, without overwhelming them. But the parent remains in charge. In this context, a single smack can be a powerful signal to a child, especially when it is not a common occurrence. You may chose to use it when there is real danger and you need the child's instant and immediate attention and obedience. For example, no amount of discussion and reasoning will prevent a toddler from running into traffic, but a firmly held hand, or grabbing the child and carrying them, will. I'll put up with a slap on a thigh ahead of a child killed or maimed on the road: which has the worse long-term psychological trauma? Dr. Green's advice about smacking/spanking a child is NOT to go at it with a will, but not to exclude its use, nor to go onto a whole guilt trip about the odd slap. He never advocates its use as more than part of a larger situation, and spends a lot of the book discussing clever things (e.g., tying the door shut) you can do to avoid spanking. As for tying doors up, you usually only need to do this once. It is about demonstrating parental resolve on boundary issues, as much as the actual tying up of the door. In his example in the book, this was clearly an extreme case, but it was used after

This book is nothing short of amazing. It is essential reading for any parent of a child aged 1 to 4

I loved this book. It was so down to earth and practical. I had been reading The Baby Book, and was into attachement parenting. Then my son hit 14 months and life suddenly kicked up a gear. I was tired, worn out from lack of sleep, suffering from no grown-up time with my partner, and shocked at the sudden change in my child. I felt like I was failing and struggling. My sister mentioned Dr Greens book, and I am pleased she did. It acknowledged that parenting is a tough job and kids can be horrible and show some pretty shocking behaviour. I realised I wasn't failing, my kid was normal!! This book uses humour and gives practical advice on how to deal with eating, tantrums, hitting, hair pulling, potty training and all the other stuff your kids can pull out if the hat. It deals with sibling rivlary, effects of relationship break-ups, pre-school, common illnesses. Yes, ok he does endorse smacking, but gives alternatives to deal with difficult, normal toddler behaviour. He also gives a real insight into toddlers motivations, and helps you keep your cool when dealing with tough issues. He reminds us what our aims are and not to get caught up in fire fighting as it is so easy to do. I recommend this book to everyone. Whether you agree with smacking or not, its a worthwhile resource. The book is so much more than that one issue. Its the most referred to parenting book on my bookshelf.

As a pediatrician and a parent of three children, I can't say enough good about this book. The advice is simple and practical, the behavioral hints are valuable, and while Dr. Green endorses limited corporal punishment, you don't have to agree with him to benefit from this book. I also appreciated the gentle humor.This is not a book that worships at the altar of childhood. It is one that depicts childhood as being an interim state on the way to adulthood. The child has to grow and learn, and the parents have to teach. Pretending otherwise, as too many "child development" books do, does everyone a disservice.Especially for difficult children, I also like the fact that Dr. Green recognizes the different ways that parents may have to cope. Some children are naturally less tractable than others. But even severely developmentally delayed children benefit from simple, humane parenting. This book was a useful guide.

Thank goodness for Dr. Green's approach to raising toddlers. He uses common sense, humor and a comfortable knowledge about what makes our children tick at this age. As a parent, he recognizes the difficulties our dear ones can create, and as a professional (pediatrician and counselor for parents) he gives us nonthreatening advice on such issues as bedtime, sibling rivalry, tantrums, and general behavioral characteristics of children at this stage. By telling us parents what is reasonable to expect, he gives us room to raise or lower our expectations as need be. I cannot recommend this book too highly. It is clearly the BEST book on this topic that I have found, and I have read several.