To Love Is to Be Happy with

Most people would rather be right than happy. Too bad. For those people (which of course includes me, far more often than I would like), I recommend this book, which teaches ways to defuse stress and thrive with all of life's challenges. Barry Neil Kaufman, therapist, author, motivational speaker, and co-founder of the Option Institute, observes that - despite disappointments, illnesses, and physical and emotional problems - we can all be happy. He shows us how to change our lives without pain (the only overlooked major point is that it does require focus and repetition to change how our brains work). I read hundreds of books every year but, if I were forced to choose just one, this would probably be it. It created such a positive impact on the quality of my life! Only quibble - this is the book that should have been called "Happiness is a Choice" but Kaufman had already used this title for a previous book.

Kaufman explains in clear and simple language how we come to acquire beliefs that can undermine our happiness and effectiveness. Remarkably, these beliefs were taught and adopted with the best of intentions, to protect and guide us. When we lack the necessary awareness, though, we can not see the harm these beliefs do in our lives. Kaufman introduces a set of attitudes to consider along with a simple system of inquiry which he calls the Option Process. He presents many actual dialogues he has had using the Option Process with a variety of individuals beset by a wide range of serious challenges. The dialogues are a powerful way of identifying beliefs which do not serve us, or upon conscious examination, do not seem to make sense. In reading through these dialogues, I was amazed at how quickly many of these individuals were able to emerge from their stuck states, let go of beliefs that did not serve them, and move on to more constructive perspectives and actions. While participants no doubt benefited from Kaufman's questions, the process can also be practiced on one's own.Even though this book was written a number of years ago (1977), it in no way comes across as dated. In a number of respects, it reminds me of the process subsequently and independently developed by Byron Katie known as the Work. For this reader, though, the Option Process is much more accessible and straightforward.For information about other books and programs, visit the website of the Option Institute at www.option.org/

The ideas in this book changed my life! It's the only approach to life I've ever seen that says we don't need to be unhappy. Period. We don't need anger, guilt, depression, sorrow or any of that to live a great life. We don't need negative emotions to motivate us or others. Amazing!

This book employs the ancient phylosophy of Greek Stoicism in modern terms to empower the reader to deal with struggle and loss. It helps one define a positive, forceful live phylosophy with tools of self-examination and analysis. The simple but effective approach it uses works impressively.

Incredibly simple yet packed full of insights into how we think and behave in relationships. Mr. Kaufman shines a light on all the beliefs we hold about love and relationships, and how those beliefs lead us to fear, anxiety, distance, confusion, and distrust. Once I saw the beliefs, it gave me the power to change them, and have the type of relationship I always dreamed about.