Miraculous news: the lady who lived on an island with her family.
Highly relatable: a capsule description of a major book nerd.
Finally discovered: the true story of Mary, mother of Jesus.
After the post-apocalypse: the post-post-apocalypse.
What the fuckness: a tale from an imaginary cartoon.
With juicy surprises: such as a celebrity cameo.
A trunk full of: little bits and whatnot.