They're Your Parents, Too!: How Siblings Can Survive Their Parents' Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy

So glad we were told about this book. "They're Your Parents, Too!" is a sensitive, practical, serious, yet also humorous, book. The author, Francine Russo, was familiar to us from many years of reading her articles in Good Housekeeping, Village Voice, Time, etc., and her great column in Time, "Ask Francine" which helped me, my colleagues, family and friends, on elder business and social concerns. In this new book, Ms. Russo does a fantastic job of focusing on the issues many of us in the baby-boomer generation are facing. For me, as a sibling having an elderly parent, this book taught me to see and feel issues from my parent's perspective, and, most importantly, from my siblings perspectives. Through her case studies and excellent professional resources, Ms. Russo has "zeroed-in" on the issues that cause many of us to alternatively feel guilty, self-righteous, inadequate, and confused, as she provides solutions, in a very encouraging way. I also like the catch-phrases lessons {e.g. "You can keep the damn jack"}, to remember the messages, and to laugh at ourselves for our pre-conceived ideas, and how they can be so wrong. We highly recommend this book for siblings who have aging parents, clergy, mental health professionals, guardians, caregivers, and everyone in the field of gerontology. Thanks, Ms. Russo, for your help through this terrific book.

I am 76 and took care of all four of our parents over a period of 15 years. If only I had had this book! It nailed all the problems and gave useful advice on how to deal with them, especially if you are the one "on location." I am about to purchase a copy for each of my 4 children, because the time is coming for my husband and myself. I hope they don't stay in such a state of denial as they are now and read it and think about it. The hurt and anger regarding care of a parent is almost unavoidable. But if at least one sibling has read a book like this, that person may very well be able to negotiate a better outcome. One thing that this author suggests often is an intermediary of some kind, social worker, pastor, others. In the 70s and 80s when this was happening to us, there was no one. Our pastor was helpful, but didn't have any real insight. The best resource proved to be the support groups for Alzheimer's caretakers. It would seem that our aging population has brought about assisted living residences and other facilities that didn't exist back then.

Francine Russo ...has given caregivers one of the best books on sibling issues I've read....I'd recommend this hopeful and healing book to any family having misunderstandings over parent care. Russo is realistic in that many families are broken from the beginning and that these demons from the past are bound to come back, magnified, once parent care begins. If you never felt you got the love you deserved from a parent because your sibling "hogged the spotlight," you are likely to find yourself acting out in ways that are going to throw a kink in the machinery of elder care.Russo offers some suggestions that can help adult children work through, or if necessary around, these issues. Will reading this book transform every family into the Waltons? Probably not. But Russo's book does give many valuable tips to help you and your siblings understand the roles you play in caregiving and appreciate each other's viewpoint. It won't replace family counseling, but it's a great tool. Carol Bradley BursackMinding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories

My siblings and I are just starting out on this journey. After reading this book, I had some very practical ideas of ways we can get organized and approach our parents about planning for their future needs. The book is full of helpful suggestions on ways siblings can work together at this difficult time of life - whether they get along or not. It also contains lots of tips on ways siblings can share the burden. The anecdotes and personal stories throughout make it easier to relate to and understand the advice that Ms. Russo culls from lots of experts. I highly recommend it and plan to purchase copies for my siblings.

It's hard to believe there wasn't already a book that fills the tremendous gap that Francine Russo's does. It is, at once, informative, compassionate and thoroughly thought provoking. The author's humble account of her own experience with aging parents and a sister who was the primary caregiver, brought tears to my eyes. There is a beauty and selflessness to the volume that enhances and validates Russo's extremely well-researched practical information and case studies. I intend to buy copies for a number of friends who feel harshly alone in the unchartered waters of redefining family and sibling relationships while caring for aging parents. Thanks Francine!