The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family

This book is hard to read because she switches between calling the narcissist him or her. I can recognize that a narcissist can be a man or a woman however, switches, especially mid story are very confusing. I have read other books that did every other chapter or if they had an example story they stuck to the gender in the the example. Even with this confusion I still feel that this book was worth reading. I do like how she says that narcissist don’t have empathy for others, they can pretend like they do, but it is only good acting and nothing more. It was comforting to me when she said a lot of narcissists will say they had a great childhood and their parents were wonderful even though that is rarely true and they are usually abusive or neglectful. She went on to say the co dependent spouse will usually say their childhood was less than perfect and perhaps neglectful and/or abusive. I do like how she says we must hold narcissists accountable for their actions. For the health and safety of everyone. Chapter 1 is a must read!! Chapter 4 is a must read if your were raised by a narcissist! Chapter 5 would also help if you have a narcissistic parent. I don’t like how she says in chapter 6 that she doesn’t recommend getting therapy without your narcissist spouses knowledge. Not only is this foolish advice it is dangerous as a lot of women trapped in a marriage with a narcissist are abused and need resources and encouragement before they can even consider that they don’t deserve this abuse. Page 160 is a must read! Pages 168-169 are VERY helpful! 172- 174 are helpful. In fact all of chapter 8 is worth reading. Parts of this book that I liked: I’m sorry you’re hearing me that way; that’s not what I’m saying. remember that envy is the primary conscious feeling that drives the NPD individual to compete and surpass those whom he regards as more powerful and/or successful. The sociopath-narcissist will obsessively focus on those individuals who represent the pinnacle of power and success. The tendency to ignore any need for deeper resolution is all too typical of the narcissist individual. the more codependent we become in our relationship with the narcissist, the more we require and often demand of friends and family to stay at baseline functioning. Before we know it we become more narcissistic and self-absorbed in a complementary fashion to the narcissist. Common characteristics of a narcissist: Labeling his partner as hysterical, Repetitive criticism, Devaluing behaviors, Aggressive intimidation, Distraction through defocusing the issues, Projection, Double message/double bind tendencies Our relationship operates on my terms or not at all Constructive feedback will often be met with a defensive reaction and a serious distortion of your intentions. Inability to engage in rational dialogue that acknowledges the rights of others. I recommend: Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker The Narcissistic Family by Robert M. Pressman and Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman Toxic Parents by Craig Faustus Buck, Susan Forward, Craig Buck The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving by Wendy T. Behary Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom It's My Life Now by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock Wounded by Words: Healing the Invisible Scars by Jeenie Gordon, Karen L. Kosman, Susan Titus Osborn Next Time, She'll Be Dead by Ann Jones Victory Over Verbal Abuse by Patricia Evans Not to People Like Us by Susan Weitzman Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans 10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult relationship by Karla Downing

Since discovering the roots of narcissism in my world one year ago, I have read a great deal on the subject. This is, hands down, the most helpful book I have read to date. Most books on the market focus on identification of narcissism, or validation of those individuals left in their wake (both important concepts). But after that, we need real help! This book offers the most realistic and cogent look at what can actually be done after the damage is done. As the child and ex-spouse of narcissists, I appreciated the author gently leading me to examine my own culpability and enabling behaviors, the fallout in my life, and most importantly, how to begin undoing the damage and move on.

This reviewer is delighted to offer appreciation for a most comprehensive coverage of the interpersonal impact of narcissim on relationships. Ms. Payson directed her book toward the lay person, who has struggled in relationship with the narcissist. Yet as a therapist, I believe it should be mandatory reading for my professional colleagues. The book is well organized and cleverly structured with the Wizard of Oz theme.It covers the subject in depth, yet it is easy to understand.The author offers the reader perspective on a variety of relationships(spouse, adult child, employee, friend) and clearly describes how this prevalent character disorder can have an injurious impact. She leaves the reader with hope, providing concrete suggestions for protection of the self and for minimizing the wounding that can arise from the narcissitic relationship. Everyone I know who has read this book has sung its praises.