The Unscratchables

The fur is a-flying in this flea-bitten murder mystery. The same old cop tale (er.. tail?) gets a brand new treatment in Cornelius Kane's "The Unscratchables". The story is familiar, but the world is different. Instead of Gotham or New York City, you now have the Kennels of San Bernardo and the high-rises of Kathattan. This is a world where cats and dogs are the cops and robbers. Here, the plot focuses on a vicious set of murders of two Rottweilers who work for the mob. It would seem a monstrous feral cat was responsible for this attack and a subsequent chain of murders in San Bernardo. Grizzled bull terrier Crusher McNash and Siamese FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) agent, Cassius Lap, are tasked with find out the true `tail' behind the murders. Kane has come up with an ingenious way of rebooting the crime drama. He does not simply take characters that would have been human otherwise and claim they are cats and dogs. He truly creates the animal world with the characteristics and behaviors that are known of these animals. The actions you are familiar with from your typical house cat or dog are instantly recognizable in McNash, Lap, and all their colleagues and suspects. A particularly amusing aspect of Kane's novel is how reverential he is to some great films, as well as modern pop culture. You can easily pick up traces of Apocalypse Now, Silence of the Lambs, and The Godfather in this story. It also isn't very hard to find figure out who he is spoofing with such celebrities as Mutt Damon, Benji Affleck, and Tom Manx. Taking an overdone plot and turning it into something wholly original is not very common these days. However, Cornelius Kane succeeds marvelously.

When I first picked up the scent of THE UNSCRATCHABLES I didn't know what I was getting my snout into. But before I could turn the first page my tail was wagging and I couldn't stop it. Of course many will attribute this to my dogmatic attitude. Even my catonic wife was perking her ears up as I barked out loud with laughter. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of serious action and a very deep analysis of government/corporate control of society that will really get your tail up, but it's the writing... so good that you can bet your whiskers on it... it is that good! I'am telling you your going to be bowwowing about this to your friends for some time to come. CRUSHER McNASH is one hardcase detective, a barrel-chested bull terrier, no one wants to cross or throw the ball to. When some Rottweiller gangsters take an unexpected one-way ticket through a slice & dice modus operandi near the river CRUSHER is called in. Soon the ante starts getting higher and CASSIUS LAP, a razor sharp smart Siamese in the Feline Bureeau Of Investigation, teams up with CRUSHER. McNASH ain't humping any legs over this partnership but he is dog obedient for a while. I remember when I turned the first page and read that the cheif ordered McNASH to have a wash-his first in two months-and that he was feeling so clean he almost gagged. The fleas even began to wonder who he was. Well reader its about time you too roll with THE UNSCRATCHABLES. Find out about the PPU, The Party of The Perpetual Underdog, or The Office of Enforced Perspectives, or go from the junkyards to the penthouses, from the gambling dens to cat prison to the PAVLOV Center, rub shoulders with serial killer Quentin Riossiti, media mogal Phineas Reynard, cat mob boss Don Gato, dog boss Pompey the Gross and attorney Thomas Schrodinger. Thanks for cocking your ear awhile. You don't have to be spitgroomed or flash your tags to visit SAN BERNARDO. But when your finished visiting and turn that last page you'll be feeling like me...full of coyote juice and wanting to hump the first..... ...Sorry...where was I? ... Oh..By the way my wife hasn't purred like this since Pussy Foot won the Derby. I'am dog tired. So in conclusion, I'am giving this 5 Dog Bones!!!!! My wife's giving it 5 Cheshire Grins :) :) :) ;) :) Thats a Wrap King. Sniffs yas later Investigators

On the back cover of The Unscratchables by Cornelius Kane , the book is declared a "hard-bitten crime story and a sharp-fanged satire," but I must say that my most enjoyable feelings while reading the book was a fun comedy. The satire is there, sure, but many readers that enjoy the unusual will be carefully reading every word, to enjoy how the author has wonderfully translated the human world into "animal-speak"! Sometimes I smiled, sometimes I grinned, and sometimes I even laughed as characters were described: Pompey was a giant Neapolitan Mastiff with undershot teeth, a slobber problem, and a clouded left eye where he'd run into a stick. I was armed with a Fido & Wesson; Lap had a small carton of full-cream milk. Scenes were developed: I tried to ease into the spirit but all I could think about was that someone might see me [sitting beside a cat]...all sorts of dogs were crammed in...Celebrities: Brad Pitbull, Mutt Damon, Benji Affleck... It all started when two `weilers were found near Slinky Joe's Sardine Cannery. They had been cut up pretty bad. Barnabus's droopy basset jowls smirked as he told Crusher that his autopsy showed that the Rottweilers were killed by a cat! Max McNash (Crusher to his friends), a bull terrier Detective in the slaughter unit in San Bernardo and Siamese Cassius Lap of the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) from Kathattan are teamed when the killer is identified as a feral cat. As murders continue, Max has little to go on. A security guard is the next killed and then a man who worked at Chumps, where pet food is made! There seemingly was no relationship between any of those who had been killed. Little by little however, Cassius was developing a theory, one that might reach into the police department itself and even higher! And even though Max hated to admit it, he was slowly growing to admire and respect Lap, even if he did use trigger commands like "Stay" and "Good" to get Max's support. For no matter who was dying, somebody was responsible for how the cat had been changed into this "killing machine!" This book is great! A fun read for animal lovers especially. For those that enjoy satire of governmental plots--it's in there! But...wait until you read why the cat killed all the dogs! Seriously, The Unscratchables by Cornelius Kane is a great mystery and I love great mysteries...but this "new breed" of cops starring Max and Cassius is, hopefully, the beginning of a new series. I'm wondering if the author can keep his wordplay up for more books! What say you, Mr. Kane?

Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! I read this to our dog, Wendy and a friend's cat, Bruno. At the end I asked them to rate it from one to five stars. We tried paper ballots but Wendy chewed hers up and Bruno tore his to shreds. So, we went with a voice vote and the results are recorded above. The title is theirs, too. Our discussion was at times a shambles. Bruno complained that there was too much about dogs and Wendy, of course, thought the cats were given way too much print. They were much more vocal about their positions than I care to relate. All three of us agreed about the following: The portrayal of the characters was amazingly consistent throughout. Maintaining any "gimmick" for this many pages is difficult , but Kane handled it marvelously. Wendy & Bruno have been imitating their favorite characters (and I'm getting more than a little spooked). There is a running line of social commentary throughout the book as well. Bruno and Wendy were whispering between themselves for a few minutes. When I asked what they were talking about, Wendy said "It's pretty amazing how a guy who writes about dogs and cats also seems to be writing about humans." There was a well developed story line and constant action. As with all good mysteries, there's no space wasted on fluff and filler; there are red herrings galore and trips down dead end streets. This is a non-stop race to the finish line. The writing was well done with realistic (given the speakers) dialog. And the word play is hilarious! (I have to say it again: the word play is hilarious!!!) We three wished that the book had been longer, but agreed that for the story being told it stopped at the right place. (Plus I was losing my voice, itching all over and had this hacking cough.) Since Kane left it open for a sequel to this*, we'll be back then. * ("With fewer cats!" says Wendy. "With just cats!" says Bruno.)

The premise of this book is ludicrous---a "hard-bitten" crime novel(blame the publisher for THAT pun, not me!) set in a world peopled by cats and dogs and a few other species--- but if you were intrigued enough by the premise to read this far, you will almost certainly love this book. The bull-terrier narrator, a police detective named Crusher McNash, has more than the normal canine antipathy to cats as a result of experience as a prisoner during the Siamese war, but when investigation of a series of brutal murders of dogs points to a feral cat as the likely culprit, he is forced to work with a member of the FBI. That's right, the Feline Bureau of Investigation. The story takes off from there, and the author manages to include parody on a number of subgenres of crime novel, thoughtful (but not heavy) social satire and commentary, and a LOT of laughs. The most enjoyable aspect of the book is the description of the animal society, where dogs drive Rovers, cats drive Jaguars, and the vulpine Phineas Reynard of Reynard Media tries to drive society in the direction he wants. It is a society with entertainment stars like Brad Pitbull and Tom Manx and sports figures like Tiger Woods, but there is higher culture as well, museums in Corgian buildings and Shakespaw's plays like Much to Mew About Nothing and As You Lick it. I had at least one loud chuckle on just about every page and a number of loud groans over REALLY bad puns! But does the book succeed as a crime novel? I would say yes. Given the society, the conspiracy that causes these murders to occur is plausible, the investigations reasonable, and there are even some well-done clues for the reader (that I will confess I missed). If there is a weakness I would say that the typical species characteristics are much better shown for dogs than for cats. This may be because the narrator is a dog, so the only way we see the cats is through his eyes. I was extremely impressed that the author could maintain his high level of both credibility and entertainment for an entire book and hope he has it in him to do a sequel. Maybe this time the Siamese Cassius Lap could be the narrator, and the cats could get equal time.