The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth

Aron tunes us in to our operating assumptions, the basis from which we make a lot of choices. She gives us eyes to see how we developed ways of being and doing that do not serve us very well, that lead to and perpetuate pecking orders. In pecking orders, somebody gets pecked and nearly everyone's feathers are ruffled. She tunes us in to our internal conversations, our well-contrived protection systems for avoiding the pain of shame. She turns us in a different direction, to a more conscious, less-distorted way of relating that open doorways to healing, mutuality, and perhaps even our best destiny by explaining the dynamics of ranking and linking. If one is spending energy fighting oneself and others for position, one does not have that energy to use employing one's gifts to create, build, and expand or to receive those gifts from others. Perhaps we knew that, but we didn't know the alternative or how to engage in it effectively. Aron uses plenty of examples to illustrate and define, as well take psychological jargon and rename it so it's both memorable and useful. In the end, life can be more satisfying and hopeful.

I have had problems with self-esteem all my life and I have learned to compensate for them. Some people fall into a hole and cannot get out. Dr. Aron wrote a book that was easy to read and concise. She used real-life examples to explain the topics covered. She provides activities in each chapter to evaluate yourself. The chapter that I liked the best was called "The six Self-Protections We Use to Deny Low Rank." The chapter explains that we all try to protect ourselves from shame and self-worth. There is a self-assessment tool to find out what devices we use to protect ourselves, and explains each of the self-protectors in depth. I recommend this book to everyone. We all could use a little help in our lives once in a while. (reviewed by Eileen, Melissa's mom) I received a free copy from the Hachette Book Group and I was not compensated for my review.

Elaine N. Aron, PhD's book the undervalued self is filled with interesting journaling tests, personal experience stories and the pros and cons of how and why, the undervalued self, manipulates needs and desires to protect the inner child. I especially felt drawn to the personal stories. I could see myself so easily acting in the same way in order to gain some sort of power or recognition from family and friends. Until I read Dr. Elaine N. Aron's book, I did not realize that striving to remain passive or trying to overachieve can result in what I do not want to see happen in my life. It's like working for a golden star. Then receiving not a golden star instead I receive a bulky round ball of twine. Of course, my disappointment is going to sky rocket. Still, the ball of twine is always mine simply because I do not know how to develop an authentic self value. This book is fascinating. I feel as though reading it more than one time will only make my new self stronger and more able to face future situations involving who I am ,undervalued or valued.

In A Nutshell: After reading it, I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. The Undervalued Self is a great resource that I will continue to return to for many years, in fact, a lot of the pages have been tagged for future reference. I especially like the active imagination sessions and connecting the past to the cause. If we can retrace our past life experiences we can connect the dots on the present way we think about ourselves. In chapter five (my absolute favorite chapter, one I wish I could recreate here word for word) is called Linking with the Innocent. Who is the Innocent? Well, my friend that is YOU! You know, the you before now, before the learned behaviors, attitudes and way of thinking that have brought you to your lowest moments. Dr. Aron pieces it all together in the most effective way. This book WILL help you.