The Trouble with Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life

Warner, Michael. "The Trouble with Normal", Harvard University Press, 1999. A Differing View Amos Lassen Michael Warner argues against same sex marriage in "The Trouble with Normal". He does so with his own point of view by showing that the it "perpetuates the cultural shame attached to sex between consenting but unmarried adults." The fact that many members of the GLBT community who choose to live in a matrimonial relationship is to pretend that our sexuality does not really exist. It is a trend toward social conservatism and that this trend is akin to our adopting an "ethic of sexual shame" which takes the emphasis away from gay sexuality so that we can live in peace with our straight neighbors. Instead of taking on the issue of gay marriage, we should be more interested in fighting the stigma that others have placed on our sexuality and finding way to erase the isolation from the mainstream that has been placed upon us. Warner shows that gay activism has subsided to a great degree and looks at the social constructs of what is considered to be "normal" in the world today. Rather than fighting foe gay marriage, we should be looking at the issues of liberty and autonomy and he emphasizes that a democratic culture has to "encourage...innovations and deviations in living, in order to discover the more fruitful ways to realize its ideals of human dignity". Warner shows is the negativity and shame that history has used against anything that is referred to as "queer". His arguments are grounded in modern politics and if he does nor make us change our minds, he does offer us a different way to look at the issues. Whether or not I agree with him is irrelevant. What is important in this book is looking at the issue through a different lens.

As a straight woman and a strong advocate for gay marriage, this book did not at first appeal to me. What could I learn from a book by a gay man arguing against gay marriage? It turns out that I had a lot to learn. Although I still believe that anyone who wants to marry should have that right, after reading this book I no longer want to get married. This breaks down the descriminatory nature of marriage and the politics of sexual shame in such an interesting way. This should be required reading for everyone--gay, straight, single, married, whatever. It's not an argument that you hear very often, but it's a very important one! Read this book--it might upset you, but it will force you to examine ideas like homosexuality, marriage, and sex in new ways.

Michael Warner opens THE TROUBLE WITH NORMAL by tackling the imbedded sexual shame in our culture. He sees the desire of gays and lesbians to marry as part of their desire to be accepted as "normal" and a part of mainstream culture. The desire for marriage comes about in many of the same ways for gays and lesbians as it does for heterosexuals. Marriage, in Warner's words, is yoked to the benefits of status, respectability, and other countless privileges, such as health care, housing and tax preferences, and parental rights. He recommends separating these rights from legal marriage, which the state already regulates in ways that are too intimate and controlling. He says we should redefine "family to reflect the reality of people's [extended] relationships." (page 120) Many states still have laws prohibiting oral, anal, and group sex, even for married persons. Warner describes most eloquently how gay marriage is likely to alienate other sexual "deviants" who are lower on the sexual hierarchy, such as prostitutes and other sex workers, transgendered persons, and others. Those who prefer some kind of public sex or "who aspire to a different kind of sexual maturity besides that of a married couple" will be further ostracized and demonized by the split in the LGBTQ communities into those who are married and those who are not (and don't want to be). This split mirrors what has already happened to people in the heterosexual communities who choose intimacies that are different from those who are choose traditional marriage. For non-gay populations, this would include "queers" who are polyamorous, bisexual, and celibate. Warner's analysis of the politics of shame applies to all "sexual outlaws." He raises important questions of sex education for everyone. He advocates the continued availability of public places where all kinds of sexual information is shared without fear of arrest or attack and where people might meet and mingle with those who share their preferences and passions.THE TROUBLE WITH NORMAL was, for me, a whole education in sexual freedom and autonomy, showing how the politics of sexual shame and the desire to "fit in" hurts us all. In particular, sexual shame and the push to appear "normal" harms those who are HIV positive or at greater risk for STDs because of the growing paucity of sexual information in the public sphere.~~Joan Mazza, author of Dream Back Your Life; Dreaming Your Real Self; Who's Crazy Anyway; and Exploring Your Sexual Self (a guided journal).

I heard Michael Warner on local radio here in Boston and came to this website to read an excerpt from his book. His writing blew me away! Gay and Lesbian politics, much less Queer, hasn't had a really smart, innovative essayist in years. Warner points out the errors of what passes as common sense these days in the gay and lesbian movement, which has become increasingly stale and warped by phony Washington politics. He produces one original idea after another, and if they go over many people's heads, it's not for lack of good writing--his writing is conversational and clear--it's because people have stopped imagining progressive sexual politics. He turns sexual ethics, the marriage debate, the pornography debate, and HIV education on their heads and shakes them down to form brilliant insights. Not everything he says is practical, but that's the nature of vision--it ROCKS! I think this will still be taught in college 50 years from now--as a CLASSIC. It was well worth forking over sixteen dollars for, and I only hope he writes more.

With the sophistication of a leading political theorist and public philosopher, with clarity and wit, Michael Warner explains why those who care about public policy and morality should take as their point of departure the dignity of those at the bottom of the scale of respectability: "queers, sluts, prostitutes, trannies, club crawlers, and other lowlifes". It begins with a brilliant analysis of the ethical tradition queer culture has built up over the last fifty years, one that has been dismissed by mainstream moralists. He shows that civilization's role isn't just to preserve "natural" sexuality, but to create new types of sexuality through innovations like the pill, condoms, dildos, video, Viagra, hormones, vibrators, and others we can't predict. Little can be shown to be transhistorical about sex, he says, except men raping women. The goal of policy makers should be sexual autonomy for everyone, not just protection under the law for married couples, "good gays", and children. On the gay marriage debate, Warner separates the legal benefits of marriage from its mythology and shows how those benefits can be distributed among unmarried couples and single people, both gay and straight, without the discriminatory effects of marriage under the law. He goes on to show why public sexual culture, from pornography to bathhouses, is something to value, something whose accessibility is worth fighting for. Finally he shows how sexual shame grips U.S. heath policy, reducing it to little more than an abstinence program, where safer sex education lags far behind other developed countries. This is a life-changing book, I can't recommend it strongly enough if you care at all about progressive sexual politics.