The Triumph of Love Over Experience: A Memoir of Remarriage

An excellent book for anyone considering getting married again or trying to blend two families. it gives you plenty to think about before taking on this challenging role.

When I bought this book, I expected to read it in spurts, here and there, in my hectic life as a writer, a widow with four children (three of them teenagers), a boyfriend, an unfinished house.... But I found it so compelling that I read it basically in two sittings. I really appreciate Ms. Swallow's honesty, describing how difficult it was for her to re-marry. I read several times over some passages she wrote about trying to hold on to her own identity. Ms. Swallow helped me think hard about my own situation. I'm going to pass this book on to a friend, but when I get it back I believe I'll read it all over again

The book is limited to one woman's specific experience, but Swallow writes really well and makes clear how many pitfalls await those who hope to remarry, especially those with kids. As a fellow midlife journalist divorcee, even with no kids, engaged to a divorce without kids, much of her story still rang true for me. I found many of her insights, experiences and ambivalence about remarrying compelling and sobering. She's candid about how strong she felt surviving her divorce and the identity she created as a single mother supporting her two sons, and how she really enjoyed it, even with its difficulties. She talks honestly about her ambivalence of taking on a whole new family and its culture and history, as well as grieving the loss of her reclaimed independence. There are no rosy-colored visions here, but a terrific, funny, honest story of one woman, two families and the many mixed feelings involved in going back into married life. I highly recommend it, and have already told several remarried, engaged and divorced friends it's worth reading.

I read Wendy Swallow's memoir "The Triumph of Love Over Experience" for many reasons, nonetheleast of which was because they (Wendy and Charlie) own the farm on which my fiance and I live. From the vantage point of the barn up the hill, I get to observe their blended family in action. Another reason was my engagement to a man with a child from a previous marriage who's twenty-year attempt at blending a stepfamily was an abysmal failure. Also, I have many stepmothers and blended families in my little world - my fiance's own immediate family notwithstanding. Then, too, my own family was a strained amalgamation of a stepchild, a natural child of the union of these two previously-wed adults, and an adopted child (me!). Obviously, this memoir was a must read. Wendy's writing style is as comfortable as a long conversation in the great dining room of the farmhouse. There's humour - at situations and (most importantly) herself. There's compassion. There are the endless questions of what's best for this children - both his and hers - as well as what's best for the two adults of primary concern. Wendy and Charlie. I learned so much about the extrapolation of families and connectedness and dysfunction from reading the results of Wendy's research. All made sense. I also learned about myself, recognising many similar traits and reactions while reading about her efforts and experiences. As she and I discussed just the other night, while my fiance and I didn't blend children (as I've never been a wife, let alone a mother), we did blend animals and that, in some respects, is more challenging. I was able to see many similarities in how Wendy and Charlie worked to establish a sense of family amongst their four teenage boys and how my fiance and I blended dogs we'd each had for years and years (mine having been an "only child" all her life), and horses when one of mine wasn't really keen on men handling him and none of his had ever been under any female's jurisdiction. I realise most people don't see pets in the same light as humans, but there are more similarities than differences when dealing with animals and children. Wendy's book helped confirm some things we'd tried, and suggested new methods for areas still of concern. Overall, I'm thrilled to have read it, and have to pass it on now to my fiance (who was reading over my shoulder on the flight to Phoenix last week). He's already said he wants his son to read it, given their collective experiences during that second marriage. I'm also honoured to know Wendy Swallow personally, and find both her writing and her self comforting and inspiring.

Wendy Swallow found a graceful way to say so eloquently all the pain, confusion, hesitancy, expectancy, delight, torment and eternal hope that those of us who have sadly left one marriage feel as we enter into another. Following on the heels of her first book, Breaking Apart, this new work completes the circle of loss, grief, and triumph in relationship. Swallow made me laugh and cry at the same time. A must read for all who have suffered the loss of a marriage and nuclear family to divorce -- and for those who are moving into new relationships or just growing into a new version of their life.