Ten-Second Miracle

This book combines the empirical observationalism of John Gottman(7 Principles for making marriage work), with the modern contributions of NLP, and though the writer probably doesn't know this, with the ancient wisdom of Buddhism! I've been having a difficult time understanding why the Buddhists teach some of the things they do. After reading this book, you'll understand why it is so important to take the 10 seconds to process your emotions, less you need time-line therapy or its equivalent to get the gunnysacked emotional situations resolved. The author so effectively discusses the problems of the victimizer-victim and rescuer-victim scripts. And in a way that Gottman did not address, he discusses why defensiveness is so destructive to a relationship, for defensive people can be running from the truth, and people who can't handle the truth can't be trusted. The very best idea I got from this book is that: The people you lie to are not the people you get intimate with. This book explains so well why we must be brutally honest to ourselves and others. And this book teaches us how to handle issues honestly and fairly. In short, this is the best relationship book I have ever read.

What can i say? This book came to me as a gift and I wasskeptical. I started reading it and became amazed. The truth is that it came right at a pivotal moment when I feltI needed to leave a relationship that wasn't working.This book was more valuable than friends and familythat have given concerned advice throughout my life.It was better than a therapist! It's a chance to step out of the protagonist/victim/peacemaker trianglethat makes many relationships mostly entanglements.This book honestly saved my marriage.

This is a fantastic little book i picked up on special. Instead of telling you how you might feel, or how other people feel, it actually teaches you how to feel your own feelings. Starting by giving us a rough guide to where in our bodies different emotions might be felt, it goes on to step by step instructions on the 'how' of feeling - the actual process of feeling things. At the beginning of this year i started using it with clients, and have had really good results - people saying they've never known they could actually feel things and survive, or that they didnt have to go to such efforts to avoid feelings. Even the big scary feelings from way back when, can be felt with some practice and persistence. Maybe more than 10 seconds, but not usually longer than 5 minutes. If the person feels safe enough to give it a try, that is.Its also great for helping people who have been dissociated from their feelings and bodies reconnect with their embodied emotions. The body focus is a nice way to get even people with childhood sexual trauma in touch with their body and start listening to it, and maybe even caring for it. Have had some great feedback the practices so far.The other great thing is the bits about expressing the feelings - not your good old 'assertiveness' formulas either. Simpler, far more effective, and essentially about holding onto yourself rather than trying to change the other person.I have to say this is a must have book. Sure, its laden down with the pop-psych-speak, but the content is so useful you'll quickly forgive the author.

Gay has produced another classic book that could change mankind when read and understood and used. Gay has kept it simple and yet challenging. Just like life is.