The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused

This is the best synthesis of the child sexual abuse threat to date. It deplores how Society, Law Enforcement, and youth-serving leaderships continue to be faked out by these shrewd groomers who exploit our tendency to keep suspicions to ourselves. For example she shows how family court processes are duped into awarding custody of victims to their tormentors whose charm and social sophistication exasperate desperate spouses trying to protect their children. Van Dam points out, as does former FBI profiler Kenneth Lanning, that the prolific Groomers leave trails behind them. Lanning's are "evidence trails" composed of facts a court could consider. Van Dam's are "slime trails" composed of far more numerous feelings, hunches, suspicions, and instances of observed weird behavior. Lanning's evidence trail garnered by costly expert investigators, gets pooled, consolidated, and inspected for patterns i.e. profiled. Van's Dam's slime trail of hunches doesn't. But she says it could be and should be. If the slime trail were profiled as the evidence trail is, then courts, parents, and maybe even the Press wouldn't be fooled anymore. It's a wonderful idea, one that our research nonprofit has been working to implement for nearly four years. With a county ready to participate as a pilot project, and already screening for observers' opinions (we call them "Appearances of Potential for Complaint") we have been waiting for high profile leadership to arrive on the scene to sum it all up. With the arrival of this book it looks like Van Dam has the plan, and we have the crucible and a liability-safe gathering method in which it all can be tested. Perhaps her next book will be titled, "Solving the Liability Dilemma in Volunteer Screening." (Dave Allburn, Executive Director, Safe Harbor Resources 501(c)3, 888-806-4201)

Carla Van Dam nails child molesters...again. She discusses how we can prevent child sexual abuse. If we're aware, there's every reason to know who these predators are and how to protect and empower ourselves and our children. She has worked with molesters for years, and her depth of knowledge is a great resource for parents. Van Dam says that child molesters are not people who fit the "stranger danger" mode. Instead they are people we know...family & friends. They molest our children, in our homes and in front of us. Example: We want to believe the best of Uncle Josh, but he keeps tickling the kids, even when they say "don't". He buys them gifts and loves taking them camping. At times you've told him to "stop", but he says "you're boring". He is so much fun...you decide he's harmless and really likes the kids. Van Dam has many more examples of how these molesters groom us, and how we can protect our kids.

This is the best synthesis of the child sexual abuse threat to date. It deplores how Society, Law Enforcement, and youth-serving leaderships continue to be faked out by these shrewd groomers who exploit our tendendcy to keep suspicions to ourselves. For example she shows how family court processes are duped into awarding custody of victims to their tormentors whose charm and social sophistication exasperate desperate spouses trying to protect their children. Van Dam points out, as does former FBI profiler Kenneth Lanning, that the prolific Groomers leave trails behind them. Lanning's are "evidence trails" composed of facts a court could consider. Van Dam's are "slime trails" composed of far more numerous feelings, hunches, suspicions, and instances of observed weird behavior. Lanning's evidence trail garnered by costly expert investigators, gets pooled, consolidated, and inspected for patterns i.e. profiled. Van's Dam's slime trail of hunches doesn't. But she says it could be and should be. If the slime trail were profiled as the evidence trail is, then courts, parents, and maybe even the Press wouldn't be fooled anymore. It's a wonderful idea, one that our research nonprofit has been working to implement for nearly four years. With a county ready to participate as a pilot project, and already screening for observers' opinions (we call them "Appearances of Potential for Complaint") we have been waiting for high profile leadership to arrive on the scene to sum it all up. With the arrival of this book it looks like Van Dam has the plan, and we have the crucible and a liability-safe gathering method in which it all can be tested. Perhaps her next book will be titled, "Solving the Liablity Dilemma in Volunteer Screening." (Dave Allburn, Executive Director, Safe Harbor Resources 501(c)3, 888-806-4201)

This is an excellent piece of work, and definitely worth reading. Van Dam gives clear and understandable criteria for identifying molesters. I was particularly pleased with van Dam's semantic separation of child molesters into two categories: Groomers and Grabbers. If these identifying labels become standard usage when discussing this crime, especially in the media, it may have an impact on the awareness levels in society in general. Currently the average citizen equates child molestation with Grabbers (stranger danger/snatch n' grab) and has little to no understanding of grooming behaviors or the pervasiveness of groomers in society. It is critical to change this awareness level. "Socially Skilled" seems to have a professional level target audience... though it is a comfortable read this isn't a book I would expect most people to pick up. I think it assumes a prior, if minor, education on this subject by the reader. I would have preferred that she define child molestation and sexual abuse in the first chapter, and that she go into more specifics in her definitions. Most people - even those in law enforcement - often do not understand what constitutes child molestation (is it always rape? would frottage be molestation? how about sexually inappropriate speaking?). This book was not written to address the psychological consequences to the victim, but some mention of it might help clarify the seriousness of ANY type of molestation in a power-differential relationship. I would also have preferred more specific detail on signatures of offenders (for instance, tickling was repeatedly mentioned but hair-holding was not). However, van Dam did a wonderful job of presenting groomer behavior through her composites. I would strongly suggest that this book belongs on the shelf of anyone in education or law enforcement. Every parent should read it, of course, but as we all know, few will.