The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family

This book was the best book I've read to date on the subject of Step-Families.

As a pastor of a small church and only experiencing two parent families, I found this book very helpful in appreciating the unique challenges facing stepfamilies. I have used this book for counseling step families and have loaned it to others who have similarly found the book very helpful.

Ron Deal gives very practical advice on how to make step situations work in the face of divided loyalties, marital problems, parenting differences, toxic ex-spouses, etc. With the divorce rate at 74% for second marriages with children, there's obviously unique dynamics in a step family that couples must face along with all the other normal challenges of life and marriage. My family was helped by the explanations on how to gradually move the step parent into authority at various levels, and how to develop realistic expectations for the amount of time it will take for family members to accept each other and ultimately bond as a family. For people who are considering a second marriage, please don't get discouraged by his "warnings" and occasional negativity. I wish that someone had told me the struggles that I might face before I remarried, and that someone had been straight with me about how hard it really is to blend two families. Thank God that we read the book before we threw in the towel. His recommendations really work, and our family has a lot less tension and pressure since reading The Smart Step Family.

I'll keep it short and to the point. My wife and I could have benefited tremendously from this book if we would have known about it sooner. Only after a year and a half of remarriage did we find ourselves in need of a tool to help and encourage us. We were amazed at how clearly the book identified the exact issues we were facing in our stepfamily. We are currently going through it a second time and are getting so many helpful tips from it. It is a reassurance to us that the issues we are going through are very typical for a stepfamily and at the same time we have a plan and a new attitude to apply to all of the unique situations we continually find ourselves in. This book is a must read for any stepfamily. Preferrably before you remarry.

If you want to feel empowered, inspired, comforted and renewed about your steplife, read this book. In his straightforward and calming manner, author Ron Deal brings hope and healing into a stepparent's life in this easy-to-follow volume based on Christian principles. For the stepparent-to-be, the new stepparent or the veteran, this book is a lighthouse in a stormy world, reassuring us that we can find our way. Right from the introduction, the overwhelmed reader breathes a sigh of relief and enjoys the reminder that there are, indeed, healthy stepfamilies out there, and having one is a real possibility. Deal gives us a deeply comforting and proactive approach to our steplives, zeroing in on the practical steps we can take right now. We're all willing to work hard for our families, but if we don't work on the right things, it won't matter. Work smarter, Deal says. That involves two things very much within our control: understanding stepfamily life and making intentional decisions about living that life. Deal points out some "key stepping-stones" that we'll need every day. These attitudes and perspectives will enable us to overcome obstacles and take advantage of the opportunities around us. They include Spiritual Integrity, Listening and Understanding, Perseverance, Commitment, Patience, Flexibility and Humor. It sounds basic, but Deal shows us how to master these skills so that we can have a more healthy and peaceful life all around. With strikingly appropriate Biblical parallels, Deal likens the steplife we all want to the Promised Land the Israelites found after years of wandering. May of us stepparents wander for years, too, often wanting to give up. Deal's reminder that God won't abandon us either is just the beginning of the comfort and inspiration this book offers. Deal lays out the seven steps in the journey to the "Stepfamily Promised Land." Each one is clearly explained, and their presentation contributes to the book's message of encouragement and possibilities. Deal includes studies of a stepparent's expectations, how important the marriage is in the success of the family, parenting with former spouses and much more. You'll see yourself time and again in his words, and more importantly, you'll see how you can make positive contributions to your family, starting today. The author includes stories of stepfamilies in trouble and stories of those who have made it to the Promised Land. Understanding that the journey is tough for others, too, gives the reader a sense of belonging, along with the impetus to step through the tough times because something good awaits. Each chapter of the book includes questions and discussion topics to help couples understand each other's perspective and to guide them in making responsible and healthy decisions. Now that's working smarter.