The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

At 54, I've come to the astonishing conclusion that your life can be changed via books. Branden's 'Six Pillars' is the leading example of this presently, in my life. After an insightful look at the roots of self-esteem, the sentence-completion exercises he leads you thru start stirring up powerful stuff. (NB: I didn't believe mere sentence-completion exercises could achieve much before I began them.) My first reaction was horror, at how low my self-esteem had sunk over the years. I'd bet that's a common response. Then some new stuff started to be 'installed': in small practical ways I started feeling better about myself, and life. Simultaneously I saw bad, old ideas dissolving - bad, old patterns breaking up. Some are still there, of course: you have to keep at it. Seven weeks now, and I'm still game for quite a bit more. Tho I don't want to become a lifelong therapy junkie - that's one of the more subtle form of addiction IMO - so will pull the plug at some stage. I also exprienced (once) hitting bedrock: low self-esteem stuff that would not be moved, and felt it was as old as the cells in my body. Just coming thru that now: it seems the exercises will shift that stuff too, or at least some of it. All up, this is the most powerful therapeutic method I've employed. That might be because self-esteem is the most basic, or all-embracing, psychological phenomenon I've yet worked on. I can't imagine anyone not benefiting from this book, tho the more assiduous you are in absorbing its message and doing the exercises - that is, the more desperate you are to change - the more you'll get out of it. John Macgregor

An interesting passage from this book reads, "Some of the most important things I learned came from thinking about my own mistakes and from noticing what I did that lowered or raised my own self-esteem."This interests me to reread this, because having first read this book in 1994, I wrote so many detailed introspective notes that I too can say, I've learned a lot from thinking and writing about the "learning lessons" of my life.And this is a life-time process.So, what are the 6 Pillars of Self-esteem?First, I'd like to say that a healthy dose of self-esteem is thinking for yourself, no matter what is going on around you; while you maintain the belief that you deserve to be happy.And happiness is when you can say that you have more joy than pain in your life.The 6 pillars are:1. Live Consciously This requires us to be fully in the present moment. And for most, this takes a bit of practice, because many of us are conditioned to disown the here and now, to survive what we have thought that we cannot handle. 2. Accept Yourself Yes. You have flaws and attributes. You also have the opportunity to enhance who you are, by accepting everything about yourself. In fact, the only way to enhance who you are is to accept yourself.3. Take Responsibility for Your Experiences Through my journey, I have learned to be in conversations where I say to myself, "It comes down to 'this is where you end, and I begin,'" Saying such an affirmation has helped me to congruently say what I will and will not experience. And this is quite liberating not only to myself, but also to my interlocutor (most of the time)4. Assert Who You Are Honor what you think, feel, believe, need and want. Yes, for many readers this may be a challenge. But the results of accepting this challenge are wonderfully fulfilling.5. Live Purposefully Make an agreement with yourself to reach your highest potential, while you maintain balance in your life.6. Maintain Your Integrity Know exactly what your principles are. And stick to them, no matter what others think or do.This is an easy to follow book that is also between the caliber of a "self-help" book and a "psychology" book.Enjoy!

After reading through many of the negative reviews on The Six Pillars, I found myself wondering how many of those naysayers have actually read (or understand) the book. Take, for instance, the review of the supposed "psychologist" who trashes the entire book based on Branden's comment that people in intimate relationships feel most at home, most comfortable with, people who share similar levels of self-esteem. (This comment on page 6, by the way, which is as far as "the psychologist" got, I fear). Our worthy psychologist says that this can't be true because, get this, in his experience as a psychologist, unpopular kids at school want to be like and hang around the popular kids. Therefore it can't be true that people in long term, close relationships feel comfortable with partners of similar self-esteem levels. Maybe its just me, but DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?? What does unpopular kids wanting to be like or be around popular kids have to do with self-esteem and intimate human relationships? And since when do the popular kids at school automatically have high levels of self-esteem???? The logical errors in his review really startle me, coming from a supposed mental health professional. And then to use this convoluted argument to discredit the whole book? I just wanted to point this one example out because I think a majority of bad reviews for this wonderful book have to do with emotional, kneee jerk reactions, or simple misreading of the text. And of all the things Nathaniel Branden would cringe at, irrational, and emotional logic would be at the top of the list. I posted an earlier review of the book, so I won't go into how special a thinker and writer I think Branden is. Or how carefully argued the Six Pillars is. I just wanted to point out that to Branden, logic and reason are sacred things, and to discredit him without using logic or reason is a bit of an insult to his work.

This is a good book for anyone who enjoys a systematic approach and enjoys doing exercises, because the book provides both. It's called "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem", but one thing that is important to grasp is that self-esteem is not built directly; rather it is an indirect result of what you do. Branden breaks this down into the six practices of Living Consciously, Self-Acceptance, Self-Responsibility, Self-Assertiveness, Living Purposefully and Personal Integrity. If you are aware (conscious) of the real conditions of your life, accepting of yourself, take responsibility for yourself, assert yourself, have a sense of purpose and are rigorously honest, then self-esteem is the natural result.The heart of this book is the sentence-completion exercises which Branden has developed during his decades as a practicing psychologist. The exercises are designed to bring about change gently. Because the effect is gradual and cumulative, you will begin to notice subtle positive changes in your thinking and behavior without having to summon superhuman resources of willpower. The exercises take about fifteen minutes a day to do and there are about a year's worth in the book. The most profound beneficial effect this book has had on me so far is to make me more aware of my own values and desires and to keep me honest with myself; this awareness of who I really want to be has served as a reminder when it comes time to make choices, and has helped me to make the right choices for myself.

Don't be fooled by the cheesy title that makes this book look like yet another self-help book. This is an intelligent and open-minded approach to living your life, and it's practically changed mine. I am someone who only recently realized how low my self-esteem had been throughout life. I had undergone some brief non-medicated therapy that helped, but the real progress I've made and continue to make comes from reading books like this one. I was concerned that in order for this book to "work," I'd have to acquiesce into the author's way of thinking, but my concurrence has been natural throughout. With every recommendation Branden suggests, I ask myself if it would be better to accept this suggestion than not to, and I have yet to reject Dr. Branden's advice.If you're looking for happiness, more self-esteem, and/or a solid philosophy on how to live your life, this book is it.