The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment

Remember the scene in Robin William's movie, "The Birdcage," during which the right-wing parents of the fiancé of Armand's son are faced with his two mothers ... one biological (a female) and the other the drag-queen companion of his father? "Which one is your mother?" they ask. When many of us think of families, we think of the traditional "Leave it to Beaver" family ... father, mother, and children. But today there are so many other kinds of families ... grandparents raising grandchildren, foster families, adoptive families, same-sex couples, and so on. The great thing about this book is that the advice in it applies to any family, defined by Dr. Haltzman as "two or more people committed to sharing their life together who are related by blood, adoption, marriage or cohabitation, legal decree, or personal devotion." After defining "family", Dr. Haltzman goes on to define happiness and gives us his eight secrets to the enduring happy family. Secret one, Stick Together, which isn't just about divorce but also includes how to set your family values and creating a family document ... The Family Mission Statement. We have one at work ... why not have one at home? Once you have established your family values, you'll move on to communication, teaching and learning from children, blending, handling conflict, bouncing back, breathing, and evolving. Happy families don't just happen because two people fall in love and procreate. To continue our happiness, we must establish our values and become adept at nurturing our relationships. Know someone who can't stand their mother, father, or kids? It happens all the time. This book will teach you how to stop those conflicts in their tracks and put your family life on the right track to continuing happiness.

The Secrets of Happy Families is all that it is advertised to be! Dr. Haltzman begins the book by exploring the definition of family, and has an inspiring and educational chapter about happiness (did you know that people that win the lottery don't end up being any happier in life and people who become paralyzed?). I found Haltzman's division of family happiness into eight "keys" extremely helpful. For instance, on his chapter called "commit and communicate" he talks about the importance of maintaining a stable family for the growth of the child. This seems like common sense, but the fact is that it is politically incorrect to say that people should marry because it's better for children. Other chapters talk about dealing with conflict, step families, values, and resiliency. What was most impressive about this was Dr. Haltzman's use of humor. He seems to be saying that we should take a families seriously, but not so seriously that we are not able to enjoy all of the highs and lows that are part of being a family. The book gave me good ideas about how to enjoy fun and meaningful activities when I get together with my family. And how to argue less. I am eager to read Dr. Haltzman's other books because he seems to be a voice of reason and humor when other authors are either sanctimonious, boring, or banal.

My husband, who is a rabbi, uses this book in his work with couples. It is a good "study guide" in building relationships that last. It is very readable and makes the points clearly and understandably. Makes a great gift.

Very few of us have healthy role models when it comes to family life. We often settle for mediocrity and repeat the unhealthy behavior of our parents. We learn destructive patterns from watching friends, neighbors, and TV sitcoms. "The Secrets of Happy Families" is a breath of fresh air! It offers sound advice on how to have a loving family, and I agree with the author that the best gift you can give your kids is to have a loving marriage. Thank you, Dr. Scott, for writing another wonderful book to help lower the divorce rate and equip us to preserve our families and have fulfilling marriages! --Jenna D. Barry, author of "A Wife's Guide to In-laws: How to Gain Your Husband's Loyalty Without Killing His Parents"

The third part in a series of guides to a better life is another tribute to Dr. Haltzmans' contributions that make life easier and more fulfilling, as it is meant to be. Everyone who reads it will benefit from its' wisdom. The three books [Secrets of Happily Married Men, Secrets of Happily Married Women and The Secrets of Happy Families] together are a transforming trilogy and should be highly commended!