The Secret Love of Sons

This is one of the best books I have read in the last 10 years. Although it is written mostly from a son's point of view, as a mother of a 32 year old male, the feelings described in the book helped me so much to better understand my own experience with my son. Nicholas Weinstock's mother deserves serious accolades for raising a son with the SPIRITUAL AUTONOMY to write such a book. It is filled with heart and a loving humanity. A beautiful book and one of maybe 5 or 6 in my collection that I will own 2 copies of: one to refer back to and one to loan to my friends who also have sons and want to understand more about this singularly unique and profound relationship.

You could have knocked me over with a feather at the intensity of my feelings when my son was born. The oldest of seven siblings, I had never had such feelings for my brothers. I had been much closer to my sisters. My own firstborn was a daughter, and I love her dearly. But there was something about the way my son seemed to adore me that creeped into my heart and made him so very, very special, in spite of my "feminism" and my need to rage, rage against the Patriarchy. In fact, it was the Patriarchy itself that put him most at risk, and one I did not want him to become a part of, if I could help it.Nor did I want to become the kind of mother who emasculated her son. His father was out of the picture, for our own safety. I did not want him to grow up like so many of the men I saw around me. I wanted him to discover and unfold whoever he really was, and I wanted him to be happy with that.Now, he is 24 years old, and we are so close it scares us sometimes. I wonder if I was wrong, and he assures me that though it was difficult, he's sure that I was right. He can make me laugh with his magnificent insight into my soul, he sees things about me that no one else can see ... and sometimes, I swear he doesn't see me at all, even though he's sure he does. And then there is that terrible awkwardness when we push each other away because neither one of us wants to suffocate the other...Such is the beauty of this book. Written from the point of view of a loving and devoted son, I now have a much clearer sense of the cautious territory in which I am privileged to tread. Written like the true love story that it is, Weinstock puts words together so beautifully (with the help of his mom ;-) that I no longer feel like I am walking blindly into a mine field. I understand the rhyme and reason of this madness that pulls us together while it keeps us apart, and I have a clearer sense of what to expect. I may not agree with everything the man says about the inevitable definition of what it means to be a man, but I can respect it, because if I cannot respect the man's point of view, I have no business mothering a son at all. It's been a tightrope walk from the beginning. Thanks to the awesome gift of this author, I am no longer walking on eggs.

Nicholas Weinstock's book plainly delivered. It made me see the relationship my son and I have now that he is 'grown up', married, and out of my home, in a whole new light. The feelings expressed from sons of all ages were illuminating. Mothers, read this book and learn that out of sight is not out of mind.

One heck of a great read. Captures the truest truths, and spits them back at you in a manner that evokes Orwellian insight and Dickensian wit. Read it and weap, or guffaw.

I loved this book -- it's funny, thoughtful, and well-written. I don't think there are any other books about mothers and sons that have been written from a son's point of view, so this has a unique perspective. My friends' moms have told me it was really helpful in understanding their sons, and I've had a few guys tell me the book really captured the way they felt about their relationships with their mothers. I highly recommend it.