The Responsibility Trap: A Blueprint for Treating the Alcoholic Family

Although published 15 years ago, this beautifully crafted and wonderfully written volume remains on the cutting edge of the its field. With addiction reaching epidemic proportions and striking younger and younger victims its message is more important than ever. Although their focus is primarily on alcoholism, Bepko's and Kresten's ideas apply to any brand of addiction (e.g., cocaine, marijuana, gambling, depting, compulsive over-eating etc.). The authors insights into the ways that over- and under-functioning in families and relationships provide alcohol a welcome mat into peoples homes and lives has become a corner stone of sound treatment and thinking in the profession. After putting it down readers will not only have learned a great deal about addiction--the book's subject matter--but will also have more understanding, and deep respect, for family therapy--the author's mode of inquiry. This is a must read for professionals, which includes anyone who sees famlies and couples or men and women in their practice (regardless of the problems their clients are struggling with). However, because of the author's accessible and "user friendly" style anyone who has had to cope with these issues in their own life, or the life of someone they love, will benefit from its wisdom.--Jonathan Diamond, author Narrative Means to Sober Ends.

This is one of those psychology books that may not describe any problem *your* family, but it tackles problems that will inevitably crop up in everyone's extended families, friends, coworkers, or lovers. It is a must-read for anyone that has had problem drinking in their family (going back to the grandparents) or dated anyone with problem drinking in their family, which means everyone should read it! This is the sort of information that must be more widely known to build healthier families and communities.The Responsibility Trap lets the reader understand such seemingly puzzzling questions as why do some men have such rage towards women? And why are so many successful "together" women so desperately attracted to one dangerous loser after another?The Responsibility Trap is an engrossing description of how alcoholism effects the psychology of entire families. Although the book is very readable and uses a minimum of jargon, it is not a pop-pschology book, but a serious and thorough treatment of the subject. It endorses AA without rehashing the AA program. The serious focus of the book is shown by the short chapter directed towards counsellors about professional ethics.This book is only partly about addiction. It is mainly about the intergenerational patterns of alcoholism, power, and loss that drive people to SEEK alcoholic marriages. It also treats the alcoholic as part of a family unit that had usually had problems that led to alcoholism, and these problems remain after the drinking stops. A major focus of the book is the challenges that face families that remain after drinking stops, especially the "coalcoholic" (codependent) spouse that can't accept a sober partner. Because the book explains the alcoholic family's obsesssion with power and control ("overfunctioning" or "overresponsibility"), the transmission of poisonous attitudes from parent to child, and the unresolved problems that remain after sobriety, readers will also begin to see startlingly clear examples of alocholic behaviors in families where the problem drinking ended years earlier. The book also describes way children are molded by the alcoholic family to be overreponsible (calm, efficient, but lonely and filled with self doubt) or underresponsible (filled with rage, demanding constant care and praise, but filled with violent resentment towards anyone that helps them).As adults, overfunctioning and underfunctioning people feel an instant chemistry, but their relationship becomes an abusive dance with death that the seemingly "healthy" partner can't walk away from. A friend described this book as a frighteningly accurate account of their experiences, and the book provided more clear insights than they had obtained from years of counselling.