The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict

I cannot say enough good about this book. Conflict is a normal, sometimes beneficial part of everyday life and practically every relationship. How we deal with it has a huge impact on our lives and everyone around us. The companion DVD series is also outstanding and a great idea for using with a group that wants to start dealing with conflict in a better way. Buy this book, read it, share it, apply it!

The Peacemaker is the most helpful guide I have found to assist Christians in resolving conflict. It takes an uncommonly Biblical approach, leading one through a process designed to foster reconciliation, to God's glory. One is instructed in ways to "get the log out of your eye"; to "go and show your brother his faults," and to "go and be reconciled." These principles are applied to a variety of situations: third-party conciliation, forgiveness, confession, church discipline, self-examination, conflict assessment, and more. Sande continually reminds his readers that conflict is a great opportunity to see the Gospel lived out in radical ways. By this God is glorified in ways the world cannot explain. This must be the focus of all peacemaking: "whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" (I Cor. 10:31). While Sande provides an abundance of practical techniques for implementing his understanding of Biblical principle of peacemaking, these by themselves cannot accomplish what is needed. The methods only provide opportunities for reconciliation, but true reconciliation is always a heart issue. In the end, all of Sande's steps and procedures must happen through faith alone in Christ alone. Apart from him we can do nothing (John 15:5). And simply going through the motions, however precisely, cannot serve as a substitute for the work of the Holy Spirit, who alone can apply Christ's work of reconciliation to us. Conflict may cease on the surface, and hostilities can be contained or sublimated, but true reconciliation cannot happen apart from the Holy Spirit giving the parties a growing experience of what Christ has done to reconcile us to the Father (2 Cor. 5:18-20). Since teaching the Peacemaker c.e. series in 2000, I have seen these concepts at work in the life of our church family. I stock extra copies of the "Peacemaker Pledge" pamphlet on our fellowship table on Sundays and in my office. I have been amazed at how this tool can often humble people and redirect the focus of their concerns from their own agenda to God's glory. But I have also seen the Peacemaker materials misused. People can go through the steps of Sande's book explicitly and methodically, but the focus can be misdirected from God's glory to the person's own hurt. If one starts from a self-righteous place it can poison all the steps of Sande's book. This is a reminder that we cannot engineer what we desire, but are completely dependant on the Lord's grace for true reconciliation. The only One capable of real peacemaking is "the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep" (Heb. 13:20).

Sande's book is valuable for the church pastor, layperson, business person, parent, or anyone in a position of authority.Among the important points Sande covers include:1. Trusting in the Lord to help you resolve a conflict.2. When to forfeit your rights and when to stand up for them.3. Examine your own attitude before confronting others.4. Principles for dealing with yourself and allowing God to transform you.5. Principles on confronting others in love.6. How to apply Matthew 18:15-20.7. Forgive others as God has forgiven you.8. Overcoming evil with good.A highly recommended read, you do not need to be a pastor or high-powered business executive to benefit from this gem!

This is the most practical source available to help individual Christians follow Christ in resolving conflicts. The focus is on individual peacemaking, but the principles are applicable to any context. It is based heavily on scripture, and is full of examples from Sande's experience as an attorney and mediator. Step-by-step guidance is given for conflict assessment, self-examination, confession, confrontation, third-party conciliation, church discipline, reconciliation, forgiveness, and more. The Peacemaker's Checklist in the appendix summarizes the book content into a practical format. Sande is executive director of Peacemaker Ministries. He regularly conciliates business, family, employment, and church disputes and serves as a consultant to church leaders. Ken conducts seminars throughout the United States on biblical conflict resolution.

This book was written by a Christian who is also a lawyer with insight into human nature -- ie his christian worldview strongly informs his understanding of psychology rather than vice versa.The book is littered with biblical references, perhaps 10 per page, and when you go to look them up you find that they are not trite or the 'standard christian answer' but that they add insight to the problem. I never knew the bible had so much to say about the issue. Rather than acting as out-of-context prooftexts for a pet theory, the conclusions clearly follow from the text.Though his modern day examples generally involve large conflicts on the verge of a lawsuit (the clients the author takes on), there is much which applies to lesser conflicts at work, with family, or, in my case, during the first year of marriage.