The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us about Life After Loss

In the past year, I have read over a dozen books about grief, most of them being good to excellent. A minority of books I've read, though, are detrimental and, in my opinion, wrong minded, like this one. Sadly, I found this author's 'personal' experience, theories and bias impugning, insulting, diminishing and demeaning (in many instances) to already marginalized grievers grappling with tremendous loss, especially the widowed, by pathologizing their grief and insinuating they are 'the nonresilient types' that suffer from a mental illness. I would rate this book D or D- and do not recommend it to those who wish to get a better understanding of their own, or another's, grief or for useful ideas to work through the pain of loss. I would not hesitate to recommend Healing Grief by LaGrand, Surviving Grief by Sanders, Life After Loss by Moody, I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye by Noel and Blair or other books. The recent book "It's OK You're Not OK" by Devine looks promising: The very first line of Devine’s book says “The way we deal with grief in our culture is broken”. Our society has a tendency to want to fix grief and make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. Grief makes people uncomfortable. It changes the status quo. We want to fix our grieving person so that they go back to the normal person they were before the loss. We want them to forget about the pain they are feeling so that it makes us feel better. This couldn’t be more unrealistic. Society expects a grieving person to be back to normal within a few months of a loss while employers only allow grievers a few days off work for the loss of a close family member. The truth is, the grieving person will NEVER go back to who they were before the loss. NEVER! Grievers do not need to be marginalized by anyone. They need to be allowed time to properly grieve and not be rushed through, or guilted by others, into exhibiting a false 'normal' so others, less resilient than they, can feel 'good' about their own inadequacies and insecurities as fellow human beings. In due time, grievers improve according to their own time schedule - not anybody else's! Shame on Bonanno. After a long winding trip through death adaptations in other culture, the author finally relents toward the end of the book that grief is really a painful journey. In my opinion - too little too late! A far better book to read (which I am reading now) is 'Grief, Dying and Death' by T. Rando. It is far more insightful and no nonsense, making it (in my opinion) head and shoulders above the other books I have read so far - even those named above.

This book really stands out against all the past literature on grief. It's not just theories about bereavement and coping with loss; instead Bonanno weaves in empirical research in a way that is easy to follow and interesting. If you are suffering a lot after a recent loss and looking for support, this may not be the best book for you. If you are curious to learn more how people cope with loss in different ways, you will like the book.

This is a remarkable book. Like a good dance partner who neither leads nor follows but anticipates and trusts, George Bonanno has an uncanny talent for writing clearly about sophisticated and complex issues with a tone that is singularly authoritative and compassionate. Readers will find 12 well-written, satisfying chapters that virtually encircle extant perspectives on knowlege and thought concerning human loss and resilience.

While reading "The Other Side of Sadness" I had many 'a ha' moments were the author's explanation helped congeal my incomplete ideas. My Father passed away three years ago and this book helped me to understand the process of loss. What surprised me was that 8 out of 10 of us are hard wired to recover from the loss of a close loved one. I feel prepared and better able to cope with another loss and also to understand what some one else may be going through. What I found especially helpful was the explanation of the studies that supported his arguments interlaced with examples of his patients. The cumulative approach made it very easy to comprehend. I do not read many books on psychology so for me this book not only dealt with grieving but gave me a greater understanding of some basic psychological concepts. Some of the knowledge I could apply to a friend going through grief from an unexpected divorce. We do not seem to talk much about death in our society let alone from a personal perspective. The Other Side of Sadness allowed me to have an internal discussion and helped me to come to a greater peace on the loss of my Father. I will send this book to friends who are dealing with grief.

This is a book I will give to anyone who suffers a loss. I picked up this book wondering what could yet another book on grief and trauma have to say. Well this one was completely different. First of all, I found it so reassuring. The author's tone is kind and yet authoritative. I felt immediately like I was in solid hands. And the message was also important. After reading this book, I stopped worrying so much about what happens to the survivors after someone dies. The message was uplifting--and unlike most books on grief, his thoughts are backed up by data/statistics he's collected over I think decades. I mean the title really says it: The new SCIENCE of bereavement, except that it's not a cold science book at all. The stories are moving and warm, but the science kept the book from being mushy and theoretical. I really felt like I could believe what he had to say, like, these are the facts. And the news is basically good.