The Official Hugs Book,

Before I bought this book, I was a certified "hugophobic" -- I refused to wrap my arms around loved ones for fear that my limbs would snap off from being stretched out so violently. I've long been haunted by a dream I had as a child about a giant squid with eight arms to hold me. But now I'm a gosh darn "hugophile"! I can't get enough of that wonderful stuff! I'm a hug addict! Heck, I even hugged a filthy street urchin this morning! Now if only I could hug the makers of this fine tome for helping me to learn how to live and love...and hug! God bless.