New Jewish Wedding, Revised

Many of my new invitation or "ketuba" clients walk in my door with Anita Diamant's "The New Jewish Wedding" in hand, with page markers sticking out and underlined text throughout. If they don't, I pull out my copy to show them why they need this book to prepare for their wedding. Just as my clients know they need a "ketuba," yet don't necessarily know anything about the meaning, history and purpose of this marriage contract, they also don't know about many of the other Jewish wedding customs. This is totally understandable, for they have never needed to know until now.The richness and meaning of Jewish wedding customs and rituals is enhanced immeasurably when couples understand why they are included in their celebration and ceremony -- and not just because "it's tradition!" Once they read "The New Jewish Wedding," couples have a much better understanding of the historical perspective of the rituals, helping in decision making about which rituals to include and what form they should take. They also have nuts and bolts information about everything from how to choose a rabbi, caterer, musicians, and location to seeking a personalized and artistic Jewish invitation and "ketuba." The dilemmas of mixed marriages and gay/lesbian ceremonies are handled with sensitivity, designed to help couples and their families approach complex issues. Poignant stories share how previously married couples enhanced various rituals to personalize them. The detailed descriptions of the parts of the ceremony help couples know what to expect and to be more comfortable with the Jewish wedding tradition. Suggested readings and blessings provide those who want to give their ceremony their own personal twist with ideas for adding to the core elements. Anita clearly did her homework and interviewed many couples in order to provide a wide variety of possibilities to consider when planning a wedding. My "ketuba" clients have all found "The New Jewish Wedding" to be extremely helpful in planning their special day and beyond, ever since the first edition came out in 1985. It is nice to know that times have changed sufficiently so the second edition could include some of the important information about sensitive issues that could not be addressed in the first edition.

My daughter lives and will be married 600 miles away, so when she told me that the rabbi wanted her and her fiance to read this book, I bought it, too. It has been a great help in planning this wedding. We had already read a number of general wedding books. Even though we already knew the general basic traditions and laws of Jewish weddings, we needed a resource for all the options and creative ideas. We found it in this book. Almost every phone call (often several a week) has a discussion of some element of the wedding and what Anita Diamant says. I not only recommend this book to brides and grooms, but it should be required reading for their parents as well.I was especially gratified with the inclusion of information related to including non-Jewish family, as my husband is a convert to Judaism. Other Jewish resources, I have read only deal with problems in an interfaith marriage. The book was also helpful in equalizing the differences in Jewish knowledge of my daughter and her fiance.

I wrote a not quite positive review of another book in this category and received several responses wanting to know which book I DID recommend. Now that my wedding is over, the thank-yous are (nearly) done, and the scrapbooks are being put together, I can finally write the review I wanted to write for this book!THIS IS THE BOOK! I have directed everyone who has asked to read it, cover to cover (if time permits) for its excellent guidance through the religious aspects of wedding planning. When I recently relinquished my dog-eared and tabbed copy to another bride to be, I was amazed at how much of the information I found relevant/meaningful enough to "tab" for inclusion in our wedding disscussions/ceremony/program. The whole first section "Making the Tradition Your Own" really got me off on the right foot. My fiance converted about a year ago, and it was really important to both of us that the wedding speak not only to us, but to our non-Jewish family members and friends. This book really deals with these issues in a modern, egalitarian way.A good deal of the text from our wedding program was culled from this book. It is clear and concise, without being preachy or didactic. It speaks to the beauty of the Jewish wedding traditions without making one or the other better.In addition, this book does not discount the groom's role in crafting the wedding of HIS dreams! So many other wedding guides are filled with frilly verse and discussions of dresses and flowers. This one gives you the information you need so that you, your spouse, and your guests will remember the ceremony, not just the weather and the "franks in blanks!"Whatever book you choose, and whatever you decide, I wish you ease of planning, and a day in which you are surrounded by the love of your family and friends! Mazel tov to all brides and grooms to be!

Since I am in the thick of helping to plan a Jewish wedding, I have looked at a number of the available guides to Jewish wedding planing. Bar none, this is the best. It treats weddings not only as the social events they invariably are, but also as the spiritual event we all want them to be. This is a tall order considering that the adjective "Jewish" applies to Hassidic Jews and egalitarian Reform Jews both. Anita Diamant is successful at pointing out the way one can make their wedding feel more "Jewish," no matter what the level of observance. She details the ceremony and the significance of all of its elements, but does not advocate one set of values or beliefs in lieu of another. Using real examples, she is able to illustrate that you can utilize the rich set of Jewish wedding traditions to make your wedding uniquely yours, and distinctly Jewish - as you define it for yourselves. This book seems to have been written for Conservative and Reform Jews who may not be aware of all of the elements of a Jewish wedding. However, even if you are more traditional in your beliefs, you might appreciate this book as a resource for ideas. Another, unrelated, point - Anita Diamant speaks not only to the bride, but also to the groom. She does not take us for granted, men. The only drawback of this book - and this is a minor point - is that it was written fifteen years ago, making some of the resources out of date. Do not let that stop you from purchasing the book - most of the information it contains is timeless. Not only did my sister-in-law give us a copy when we announced our engagement, but our rabbi made it compulsory reading. My love and I are both grateful that they did. If you only buy one book, this should be the one. Mazel Tov.

As a congregational rabbi, I was for many years at a loss for the kind of book I could refer couples to that would give them all that they needed to plan their wedding in the fullness of Jewish tradition, yet would also inspire them to make their wedding as meaningful and as special as it could be. When my own wedding day approached a few years ago, a friend gave me and my then bride-to-be a copy of this book, and it was simply the most useful and exciting book on the topic I had ever seen - nothing else comes close. The author's inclusion of meticulously-researched information regarding the traditions surrounding Jewish weddings, as well as her creative and innovative suggestions, blended with straightforward, sensible advice on practical matters make this book a 10+. It stands in a league by itself. I purchased a number of copies in bulk, and now give them out to every couple who comes to see me about officiating at their wedding. Simply fantastic! Howard L. Jaffe, Warren, NJ