The Mother-In-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along?

For ten years of my married life, I searched for a resource that would help me understand the dynamics of an in-law relationship. The books I found only had a paragraph or two on the in-law relationship. I needed something more substantial. I did Internet searches on how to get along with in-laws and was appalled by the hurtful words women used to describe their in-law relationships. After pouring hours (and years) into the search, I gave up. I concluded there were no resources to fill my need. At the Christian book store my eye caught this book because it had those socially stigmatized words on the front cover: "Mother-In-Law." I did not expect it to provide much insight since my previous searches were dead-ends. On the contrary, this book provides plenty of insight for both daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. In this book, Annie Chapman demonstrates how a daughter-in-law or mother-in-law can love each other despite differences and how to forgive hurts. She deeply understands that the relationship between these two women is one of the most delicate and valuable of all family connections. She uses several stories as examples throughout the book from the women she interviewed. I enjoyed the chapter about how to speak with in-laws without hurting your husband or yourself. We have a Christian responsibility to love our in-laws. One way to show that love is to control the tongue. Controlling the tongue avoids having to apologize for unkind, untrue, or unnecessary words. "If families would eliminate gossip, reject judgment, and season conversations with good, wholesome communication, think what a pleasant and safe place all of our homes would be" (pg 45). Here are the topics I enjoyed: An introduction to the delicate relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and how to "put on" love Focusing on what a great job the mother-in-law did in raising her son Backing off and allowing the son to live independently Speaking kind words and doing kind deeds Understanding and bridging the generation gap Dealing with a non-responsive in-law Loving a non-believer Divorce and remarriage: how to forgive and deal with loss The back of the book has a short two-page per chapter study guides for individuals or small groups. Examples of questions: "What three things can you do to show your mother-in-law your love and appreciation to her as your husband's mother?" For the mother-in-law, "List three things you can do that will honor your son's wife and show her you accept her God-given place in the family." My heart was changed after reading this book. I was touched by the lists of things I could do to help bridge my relationships, not only with my mother-in-law, but with other relatives. After reading this book, you too will be convicted to demonstrate your love for your in-laws.

I was looking for a book to show me that my mother-in-law was was wrong and I was right with our relationship. But it instead re-grounded me with the Biblical understanding of truths about our relationship. A wonderful book to read!

I found the book to be very helpful for the mother of the groom. A lot of things to think about, but very imforative. I recommend this book with Christian perspective to any friend of mine.

This book has really helped me out a lot in my relationship with my Mother-in-Law. It makes both sides step back and really look at the situation and try to understand where the other person is coming from. It doesn't bash or put down either one. I would recommend it to every mother-in-law and daughter-in-law!

I believe this is an excellent book. My mother in law and I had a big fallout after my daughter was born. If I had read this book beforehand it may have alleviated some of the tension we have now. It talks about establishing boundaries of a new family, respecting or rejecting advice, overcoming conflict, forgiveness,and of course your husband and how she feels pushed out of this new unit or family. I like the biblical references, God's standard is high. We might not achieve that "Ruth and Naomi" relationship but it gives something to aim for...For me personally, it's going to take time to heal the rift we have but I'm trying and the book helps. My motherin law said some really mean things. I intend to be married to my husband until death do us parts and I want to have a half way decent relationship for my husband but also my child andof course ME. When you don't forgive the only person you're hurting is yourself. You can't let the bittnerness consume you.