The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life

I am a committeed Lerner-phile, having read her previous books as well. Like her, I am also the mother of two boys. I think that "The Mother Dance" is her best one! Although my children were nearly grown by the time it came out, I identified with her portrayal of young motherhood, and thought she did a great job of normalizing many of the feelings that women have but don't talk about. I gave it to a young (childless) friend of mine to read (OK, she was in her early '30's). A few weeks later, I asked her what she thought, and she said that until she read the book, she didn't know if she could be a good mom herself. But now she knew--she wanted to go ahead and have a baby. Thus, in addition to being humorous and supportive to mothers, it's changed at least one life profoundly!! I would strongly recommend it, for moms and would-be moms.

As a new mother I have read everything I can get my hands on! This book though is for ME, not advice on how to quiet a crying baby or what to feed a picky 12 month old. It is about the feelings, thoughts and worries that a mother obsesses over each day. I cried, laughed and learned through the entire book and then receommended it to two friends. If you are looking for a book to read that talks about how becoming a mom has truly made you a completely different person this is it!

I am a fairly "new" mom with two daughters. One is three and the other is 8 months. There is always TONS of advice everyone has to offer new parents ... or parents entering those "new" stages in a childs life. Some advice is good, some rather questionable and some completely horrible (likely from loving in-laws and over bearing mothers of our own). It gets so confusing! SO ... taking it just as it is ... it is all just advice. For my own piece of mind, I have always enjoyed reading ... especially parenting/self-improvement books. This book by Dr. Lerner rates up there in the top 5! She does an excellent job at acknowledging your "true feelings" as a parent, not what your "suppose to feel". I would love to talk to Dr. Lerner when my daughters reach each of those "stages" ... especially the ones where I might want to overreact! Not because she is a DR ... but because she is a mother too. Parenting has it's good days and it's bad days. You always love your children and they always love you ... and the days you are not at your best ... your still a good momma (and they are still good kids)! I have since purchased her book "The Dance of Intimacy" and look forward to starting it soon.

I loved Harriet Lerner's other "dance" books. At first I thought this one was going to be more of a guide for the mom-to-be. However, as I kept reading I realized Lerner was taking us through the stages from birth to the young adult's departure from home. Giving us examples from her own life as a mother of two sons, her friends' and clients' lives Lerner marvelously illustrates the various difficulties many women/families can experience. Lerner admits she was not a perfect mother. That admission makes it possible for us, the readers to evaluate our own weaknesses without the customary guilt that usually accompanies such assessments. Topics discussed include power struggles, talking with difficult kids, and sibling relationships. She even mentions the unmentionable-mothers hating their children. I have already recommended this book to a friend for the the last section which deals with the departure of the youngest child from home.