Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs

The Monogamy Myth is one of the best, most balanced, most practical books to inform you and help you to recover, written by someone who has lived through this. If you choose only to read a handful of books to aid you in recovery, or inform you about affair-prevention, I would recommend this be one of them. By reading only the title of the book, one may get the impression that Peggy Vaughan is suggesting that monogamy itself is a myth. She is not, quite the contrary. In fact, James and Peggy Vaughan have now enjoyed over 30 years of monogamy since their discovery of what it REALLY takes to be monogamous. This book is not only a practical guide for any individual or couple wishing to recover from affairs it is a book for anyone wishing to be informed about affairs, both recovery and prevention. The Monogamy Myth, Ms. Vaughan refers to is the fact that our society largely professes to be monogamous, when in fact statistically at least one partner will have an affair in 80% of marriages. The myth is that we as a culture profess to embrace monogamy, while we are not practicing it. This book shows you how to make monogamy your truthful experience, and not just a myth in your marriage. Vaughan writes, "The effect of believing that most marriages or committed relationships are monogamous is that if an affair happens, it's seen strictly as a personal failure of the people involved. This leads to personal blame, personal shame, wounded pride, and almost universal feelings of devastation." Anyone wishing to truly recover from affairs needs to at some point be able to begin to frame their personal situation in a larger context of how affairs happen, and what the common patterns are. This book will show the faithful spouse how to get beyond the tendency to blame ourselves for the affair, in fact it shows us how to get beyond the tendency to blame altogether. In the end, blaming is not productive towards healing. It will help each person involved to take responsibility for the right things, and that leads to positive change. When the right people take responsibility for the right things, you begin to discover the root causes of the affair/s, leading not only to healing, but to monogamy. For years there has been a vast degree of ignorance around the understanding of affairs. When it comes to affairs, ignorance is not bliss. But how can people know, when for so long, it has been socially unacceptable to discuss affairs (unless discussing a Hollywood movie star). This groundbreaking book is the beginning of the end of the silence. It's about time we all knew the truth! Thank you Peggy for breaking the silence and giving us an invaluable resource to help us actually be monogamous (and fulfilled in love), instead of just professing or hoping to be.

My husband and I have been recovering from his 2 1/2 year infidelity for a year now. This book and "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass were the TWO absolutely most helpful things to get us through this time of crisis. I appreciate the courage of Peggy Vaughn to go public with the infidelity and the road towards recovery. I would have felt absolutely suicidal and alone without knowing that others had recovered from this. It is such an isolating and frightening experience. I agree with her - we need to get the public conversation going. People need to start talking about infidelity in a PRODUCTIVE way - not just a titillating way - if we are going to do anything to help prevent, recover, and heal from it. Also if we are going to do anything to keep families healthy and sane after its devastating effects.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is open to gathering insight on what it takes to have an honest, loving marriage or relationship. This book is not only informative and interesting, but also is a very easy read.

Advice during crisis or trauma can be well intended but infuriating. If you're going to give it or seek it, seems to me there should be a couple of important things present. 1) FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE and 2) Lots and lots of time spent involved with others going through the SAME predicament. In other words, information gathered from a number of sources. Then you've got my interest. I recommend this book if you are recovering from an affair. My heart goes out to you. Or if you are the unfaithful partner trying hard to reconcile and understand your own and your partner's very difficult task; to heal from the repercussions of your actions. This book lead me to BAN (Beyond Affairs Network) on the internet. Great resource for both partners.

Peggy showed me how to better deal with my feelings and handle the situation in a thoughtful manner. The advice she gives is very timely. This book really illustrates what usually happens during an affair and how each individual can best cope with what is going on during this awful time. It has given me the ability to start moving ahead once again with my life.