The Men They Will Become: The Nature and Nurture of Male Character

I met Eli in my home town at a seminar. It was titled something like "an exploration of what shapes the character of boys". Nature vs Nurture basically. It's an exploration. Each child is different. He signed his book and *gave* it to me. I was poverty stricken at the time and got into the presention from sheer will to be there. So having met him, and read his book I felt empowered to know that my choices were validated. I can see how some may imply that he is vauge but I assure you, (if you research concisely what those words mean) you will gain more understanding. Defining one's terms is something we don't often do; our language is generally vague. What Eli Newberger shares, if you will but learn what those 'big words' mean, will give you access to tools/insights. Use what works best to develope great relationships with your sons. This is your life and theirs. Make the best of it. You have one shot with each son. Take aim, and hit the bullseye!

Dr. Newberger's work is a kind and compassionate look at the nature-nurture of how our young men develop into men. Drawing on a vast reservoir of experience and insight he takes the reader into the mysterious world of boys; a world frought with hope and exploration, as well as dangers. I was especially encouraged by his treatment of bullying in this book because of the prevalence of the "culture of cruelty," in adolescence. Parents, counselors, teachers, mentors; anyone with an a vested interest in the well being of boys will find this book to be a valuable resource that will provide support. This book, unlike many other "pop-psych" type books, is very well researched (without being pedantic), and very well reasoned. As a counseling student in graduate school I have used this book several times as a reference. With the abuse of children reaching pandemic proportions, we need more men (as well as women) like Dr. Newberger using their insight of child development to advocate for better treatment of children. It is a tragedy of inexplicable proportions that we have the instances, and the severity of abuse that is rampant in this country. Dr. Newberger should be commended for such a fine book, as well as his dedication to the well being of children.

I read this book thinking it would be a rather standard tome on the endangerment of the male adolescent in society. I was pleasantly surprised, then, to find Newberger's approach to the subject of the male character both thorough and non-sensationalist. Beginning with infancy, the author does a wonderful job charting the development of character in boys (although much of the information can be applied to girls as well - the language is far from exclusionary). Newberger also possesses a supportive attitude toward parents and charts the familial and societal pressures faced by them while illustrating how this affects parenting ability and skill. Rather than definite stages, the book is divided into topics like "curiosity", "teasing and bullying", and "play and sports". The result is like a well-done essay series but without the repetition or wandering that often accompanies that type of volume. The best thing about this book is Newberger, though; his loving and supportive attitude toward children and their parents envelops you while not being cloying or patronizing. He is a wonderful resource and advocate for boys, and girls, of all ages.

As a child psychologist, I found Dr. Newberger's bookintelligent and compelling. The chapter on discipline and punishmentshould be required reading for all parents, whether they have boys or girls. It was especially refreshing to find a book that covers the dangers of all punishments, including time out, verbal punishment and loss of privileges, and not just spanking. As an alternative to punishment, the author offers "inductive discipline", which he describes as being "centered in the basic relationship between parent and child. It doesn't begin with a problem. It begins with your love for your child, and his attachment to you and respect for you. Above all, you don't want to react to behavioral problems in a way that threatens that relationship. You want to protect the relationship steadfastly, even fiercely. You want your son to see that you are above all protective of him, and happy with him." In my work, I call this "being on the child's side", and consider it to be the cornerstone of a healthy parent-child relationship. Here is a book that recognizes this key concept, and expands on it in an eloquent and thoughtful way. END

I heard Dr. Newberger interviewed on NPR and rushed right out to get this book. I was not disappointed. I could tell from the NPR interview that he cared deeply about the welfare of boys and his book bears this out. I have passed the book on to other mothers of boys and have suggested it to anyone who wants to better understand their son. Even more than helping to figure out our boys, this book offers concrete, workable ideas to help the boys themselves deal with daily struggles and frustrations. I cannot begin to tell you how powerful it was for my son to be able to look the school bully straight in the eyes, use well thought out words and stand his ground, shoulders back. The bully backed down and my son was empowered in a healthy way. These techniques and advice came straight from this book. My son and I went out for hamburgers one night and read some of the passages, which gave him these insights. It wasn't just his mom telling him the usual "just ignore him." I also much appreciated the section on discussing sexuality...to give my son a better perspective on transferring his sexual ideas to a "real live girl." This book has been invaluable to our household. My 5th grade son, a new kid in his school, has benefitted from Dr. Newberger's wisdom and insight. I am so glad to have logical, sensible guidance in the war against the "culture of cruelty."